He made it for the shogunate. [ The word flows out of Chizuru's mouth naturally, though as ever, she's pretty quick to catch onto concepts that may be natural to her, but not necessarily to Robby. So even if he might know, she still clarifies: ] They're the people in charge back home. The Shinsengumi work for them, to help keep the peace and protect the shogun.
[ She explains it a little slowly, but even though Robby may have stopped with the berry plucking for a moment, Chizuru does continue.
.. in fact there may be something a little extra to her motions, like she's using it to distract herself from focusing too hard on the current topic, since that'd just make her miserable. ]
That was.. the secret of the Shinsengumi. The shogunate ordered them to use it on their own men. Not on everyone, but-- um, on a small group. But it didn't work that well, and the people they used it on were very prone to losing their minds.. [ Her tone is obviously awkward.
Why wouldn't it be, when her father is the person who caused all of that? That knowledge has only made her thoughts about him even more complicated, even aside from all the demon stuff. ]
It's why I was actually staying with the Shinsengumi. I accidentally found out about their secret. I-- I ran into some of those men while they had escaped and were going wild by killing people on the street at night.. Some of the Shinsengumi captains saved me from them, but they couldn't let me go free, since I found out about the secret experiments.
[ And, you know, keeping her captive? Chizuru knows it was the kinder option, considering that killing her off right away sure was discussed. Extensively. Right in front of her.
But Chizuru knows better than to mention that part to Robby on top of it all. ]
[ robby would just want to talk to some guys if he knew, that's all. a chat, chizuru.
But Robby doesn't eventually resume the berry picking again, since--Robby can tell it's on purpose on Chizuru's end, and he doesn't want to make her feel any more awkward by his stopping, or that she should stop using it as something of a distraction. Though he's slower, no longer thinking about them or the jam. How can his mind be on any of that with everything that Chizuru's telling him now?
Like, shit. How do you deal with any of that? From what you're dad is doing, to the captive situation (that's a sure different scenario from what he was thinking, huh), to the drug... ]
Did they find out your dad was the guy who made the drug? [ Since Chizuru knows--and she didn't seem to know where her dad was to begin with. ] That's gotta give you protection.
[ You don't want to off the drug-maker's daughter. ]
(Wow, so spot on - almost as if Robby understands the way semi-shady people think a little too well!!) ]
It's what saved me. [ She admits it with a very soft tone. It's not pleasant to think back on, after all. Though her life with the Shinsengumi was good before she showed up here in Trench - very good, even - the first few months sure were really, really rough. ]
I helped them look for my father, since he mysteriously disappeared after giving them those potions. But along the way things got more dire, and..
[ .. her voice trails off. Chizuru's hands grow a little slower, and she finally stops when she turns her head to look at her friend. ]
Um.. Robby. If you had to choose between dying as a human or living as.. something different, as a being that had to survive by drinking blood.. what would you do..?
[ It's a heavy question, isn't it. Chizuru usually wouldn't ask anyone that, but it's been on her mind for a long while now, without anyone to talk to about it.
And she trusts him with these heavy things. If she can't ask Robby about this hypothetical scenario, who could she ask? ]
[ A man like that would need to disappear. To stop people finding him for payback--and how far do his connections go? Doesn't all this mean he has some connection to the government? But it sounds like he bailed; maybe because of the side-effects were disastrous, and while some would see that as testing, it sounds like maybe the results weren't approved of by the higher ups.
But that question-- he wants to say something about vampires this time, but it's also not appropriate. He does have to pause his picking though, a small sound escaping his lips, since--wow. Heavy question time indeed. But-- ]
Does it matter what blood it is? Is the other person gonna die? [ 'Other person'. Yes, he knows how this goes!! ] It'd be crazy, but--if no one got harmed permanently, I'd want to live.
[ Said, as if he wouldn't want to live anyway. But he doesn't really want to think about a meaner side. Though- ]
Going crazy would be a bigger deal to me. And not going out in the sun. [ Well. ] Not as big a deal as the crazy part, but I'd miss it.
[ He's using a somewhat lighter tone, just to take some weight off an otherwise heavy subject. ]
[ She smiles at him, but there's something undoubtedly sad in it. His words ring surprisingly familiar, after all. She thinks about Heisuke, and the way he had seemed to change after having no choice but to drink it, to turn himself into a fury to survive. The way he'd try to downplay it, joking at her about missing the sun, even though Chizuru knew he was struggling with it far more than that.
She only continues when she looks away, staring at the bushes with the berries in front of them, rather than directly at Robby. ]
No one else has to get hurt. Um, when they can.. contain themselves, anyway. [ Since, you know. Bad things usually happen when someone loses control like that while craving for blood.. Chizuru knows that all too well, especially since one of them even attacked her. ] But.. I always thought it was kind of sad. Finding out I wasn't human was.. hard for me.
[ It's hard to even admit out loud. Even to Robby. ]
So I can imagine making the decision yourself to throw away your humanity would be even harder.
[ Sometimes, maybe. Maybe there's times--like when you're faced with the possibility of becoming something else you've seen be so monstrous, that makes others lose their mind and hurt even the people they knew--that makes it easier to be, when the other option would be a slower, suffering end to the same conclusion. Robby can understand picking it, somewhat, or he can see it.
But: ]
Both are pretty scary. [ That's the thing, isn't it? ] It's not a good trade, and turning into something that needs blood to survive--that's gotta be a lot to grapple with. And people aren't gonna understand.
[ He can imagine it, and that's the way Robby's picturing this. The obstacles, the hardships, internally and externally. ]
But--if you're still you, and you got people who can, [ and here, he pulls his lips into something encouraging, ] --that can make a difference.
I mean, [ he adds after a beat, starting to slowly lean his upper body her way; gives a look left and right, to make sure there's no one around, ] --even if you're a squid, no one can tell you apart from the not-squid people.
[ Judging by the look in Chizuru's eyes when she turns her head to let her gaze meet Robby's, she thinks that both are pretty scary too. Chizuru wouldn't want to die, nor would she want to be changed into something that feels even more twisted than her non-human body already feels like.
It always feels nice to meet Robby like this. On such an equal level. The men of the Shinsengumi were all so impressive-- and it's not like Robby isn't, but he feels a little bit more easily human. He isn't afraid to admit certain things to her.
Or to go out of his way to try and make her smile. She sees what he's doing there at the end, and though Chizuru's smile is tiny and embarrassed, it's still visible for a moment before she ducks her head in shame. ]
I guess we are squid people together now..
[ So maybe that makes the difference between them less weird. Though Chizuru, even as a demon, has thankfully never been quite as strange as a fury, never seeking out blood. ]
.. and if you ever ended up in a strange situation where you really had to drink blood to survive, you could have mine. [ Is that a little weird to say?
Maybe. But maybe Chizuru is saying it exactly because the conversation is a little lighter, so it might not sound as heavy.. Despite the fact that the girl definitely means it. After all, it's not like they haven't exploited the fact that she's got a much bigger supply of blood than most people before for Viktor's blood experiments. ]
[ Robby knows that joke alone can't touch--can't even be called the same as--Chizuru's demon-being issues, but you know, maybe it helps to be reminded that Robby knows, and he doesn't mind (Chizuru is Chizuru--what does being a demon even mean, really?).
But he doesn't need to think about that himself at all, does he, for what Chizuru decides to think about. Which, okay, it's kind of related to the topic of Japanese vampires, but is Robby making a face at the offer of 'oh you can drink my blood any time'?
Yes, he definitely needs a second to process this. ]
Thaa...nks? [ It's not odd-odd, and Robby can at least sound funny about it. Add: ] You can drink my blood too...?
[ This almost makes Robby wonder...
...
Wait, is this really a question he wants to ask jokingly? At all? Except this sudden thought it definitely sticking with him. No, he's gotta know: ]
Did you feed people in the shinsengumi a bunch of your blood?
[ Robby, please stop being so perceptive. In fact, it's very obvious that Chizuru didn't expect the boy to reach this conclusion at all despite what Chizuru herself just said.. because the moment the question leaves Robby's mouth, her eyes grow wide.
A moment later she's already hiding her mouth behind both of her hands.
This is definitely the expression of a guilty person. Of a kid caught with their hand far into the cookie jar. ]
W-Well, um--!
[ .. yeah, she's never particularly subtle, is she.
But despite what it seems like, she is speaking the truth - if not just because she wouldn't want to lie to Robby - when she says: ]
N-Not yet?
[ Does that make it better.
.. does it?
Her tone is flustered though, even as she removes her hands in order to be able to speak on a little better. ]
It's just.. um, I was-- I was thinking about it, especially since losing blood is less bad for me than it'd be for other people...
[ How should a pal be thinking about this right now.......
They're talking about a people who need to live, and Robby just chose the side of them living--but there's a lot here that could (or could've) happen, and Robby isn't sure how long the plan would've lasted.
You know, it's the kind of idea that makes one not focus at all on the dramatic hands-on-mouth action. Because a subject like this... ]
...would your blood be okay to take? It wouldn't do anything 'cause of-- [ a slight motion. at himself? ] The demon thing?
[ ...a subject like this makes you say some wild shit, apparently. ]
[ It's technically a moot point now, since.. well, all their blood is weird. Their blood may just be the strangest part about any of them at this point, so it doesn't even matter whether Chizuru's blood back home may have been strange if it's definitely strange at this point.
Still, she sounds unsure about it. There's so much about herself that the girl doesn't know, after all. She'd love to explain to Robby, but even she doesn't know..
So she can only relay what she does know, even if it makes her eyebrows knit together into a thoughtful frown when she looks at her friend. ]
But.. one of them kept asking me to offer my blood over and over, even though he knew what I really was, so.. my blood probably couldn't hurt anyone, if he was assuming it'd be fine. [ Sounding a little sketch there, huh. And not necessarily on Chizuru's part.
Still, she did say that she hadn't let anyone drink her blood yet, so that does imply she ignored those requests. ]
[ That's a jump to make about a guy who sounds fucking weird, but. Also, the 'weird guy' is the more important part here, huh. Also the fact the blood thing is pretty moot now, but.
At least Chizuru had the sense to ignore the creep. Robby picks a few more of the blackberries, though the task involving them's really become an afterthought to their conversation. ]
Helping out's nice, but you don't want to become a living blood bank. [ Robby looks at her, a grim line for a smile. ] Just 'cause you can bleed endlessly doesn't mean you should, you know?
[ Okay, he tries to say that a bit funny, a furrow of his brow. But she gets what he means, right???
Don't let people take advantage of your kindness, Chizuru. :( ]
If it helps - Chizuru actually looks a little conflicted about this one too. For once. She's incredibly generous, sure, way too much so, but.. ]
I already felt.. a little reluctant about it. Something about it seemed a little bit scary, you know..? [ The sort of thing she feels better at admitting to Robby than to most people, giving him a small, nervous smile. ] The way he was so insistent about it didn't really feel good to me. I felt a bit guilty for holding out..
[ Because it's Chizuru. Of course she's going to feel guilty whenever she isn't in ultimate Mother Theresa mode. ]
But when some of those men get so out of control, I was-- I was afraid of getting caught up in that.
[ She seems to linger on that thought for a moment, but then shakes her head, glancing over at the berries again. ]
I guess it doesn't matter as much now. It's not like he's here to ask me about it..
[ It's not really important now, is it. Still... the stuff going on back in Chizuru's world is strange. Way more bizarre than people being too into old grudges surrounding karate. ]
Everyone's got a lot to deal with if stuff like that's going on. [ But let's not call it strange out loud, at least, Robby knows better than that. A smile, and he's plucked a berry to hold between his fingers. ] You thought about going into medicine too? Actual medicine--not the turning people into blood suckers kinda medicine.
[ A huff, a joke--and hopefully it is a joke? Even if it was your dad who did that, Chizuru. Robby pops the berry into his mouth finally.
A reward for picking berries for jam is getting to also sample the goods. ]
[ Not the sort of thing she really discussed with anyone, because.. well, who was there to discuss that with? She didn't have friends, she hardly left the house, and then her dad just came home less and less. It was the sort of thing she kept to herself, and speaking it out loud now, years later, almost feels a little strange.
She shyly admits it all the same though, glancing between Robby and the berries, like she isn't sure what she can better hold her gaze on in this moment. ]
Um, I mean.. before everything got.. b-before "stuff like that" was going on, you know?
[ War is kind of distracting. So is learning that your father was actually developing something that actively ruined people's lives. ]
Before that, I just wanted to be like my father. I wanted to be someone who helped people. [ Because it's what she always thought her father did.
You still can. [ His voice perks at the idea, and even-- ] I know a woman. Sakura--you heard of her? It was her kimonos that Sasuke showed us when we asked about them. She's been teaching me some healing.
[ Which he probably hasn't mentioned before, since the idea of learning anything of the sort has been a...wild idea for him. But he's been doing it, even if Robby himself looks a little shy now. ]
I wanted to know how to use my blood since it can heal corruption, so--that was me. But she's a real doctor. She even helps with therapy, how to talk to people.
[ It's exactly up Chizuru's alley, so to speak. All the helpful being there kind of job descriptions.
(Too bad she and Sasuke are going to be gone next month!!!) ]
[ I can't believe Robby would give her this sort of false advertisement--
Though it's not like either of them know better right now. It's why Chizuru actually seems to contemplate this idea for a moment, busying her hands once more to not feel like she's taking time away from their clearly very important task here. (They need those jam jars..!) ]
Well.. If there's already people like that, people who are impressive enough that they could even teach others.. [ Like Robby! Honestly, it's kind of impressive he's learning that, especially when Chizuru knows that he's learning so many other things.. She hasn't forgotten him listing that entire schedule to her before, really. ] Then it's not like someone like me would also be necessary, right..?
[ M-Maybe she should just stick to doing things to her friends, the way she's doing right now. :( Especially when Chizuru is so shy about ever taking even the faintest hint of a spotlight.. ]
Are you joking? [ Sorry, Chizuru, that won't work on Robby! He can't read! ] Healing people's one of the best jobs anyone can do. It saves lives. And me? I'm just learning how to use my blood. You-- [ yes, you, chizuru! ] you know a lot more about real medicine.
[ There's nothing comparable. Robby's doing his best to learn about corruption and the treatments for it, how to better work his own innate ability to interact with it despite needing to learn how to tap into his power (in a way that's more natural for other sleepers).
He is picking at the berries again himself though, seeing as Chizuru is. And it's the kind of topic that doesn't easily distract. Even if he does pop his head up to look over at her. ]
You should do it. You can really help people. Sometimes people just need someone willing to be there for them.
[ She stammers for a moment, her focus shifting between Robby and the berries. Something about the girl seems to vaguely fluster, just like it always does when Chizuru feels like she's being put on the spot.
(Not even in a bad way! She knows Robby is just being sweet and encouraging, but.. you know, Chizuru could use a lesson or two on making her own decisions in life. The thought of committing to this feels like a lot, especially with the baggage surrounding the role of doctor her father has left her with.)
It's why she pauses for a moment before putting more berries into the containers. ]
I'll.. um. Think about it.
[ Apparently that's the best she can offer right now. She even looks apologetic about it - even though she knows it's not like Robby expects an on the spot answer here, it's Chizuru. She's still going to feel guilty for not being able to say something better than this. ]
I think right now the best thing I can do to help is to help you gather as much food as possible while this lasts.. [ Because god knows Trench won't let them keep a nice thing. :( These berries won't be here forever!! ]
[ Robby gets it, to the degree he can. It was what Chizuru wanted in the past, but Chizuru doing anything for herself--and especially after her stumbling in her love life with Jinx, and just in general--is like a marathon the girl needs to run in her head to convince herself to do. Except it's not a quick process: she needs breaks.
But who doesn't have their own mental marathons to deal with sometimes? ]
Sure. [ So when Robby speaks, it's with some humour at what Chizuru says last than putting any further emphasis or encouragement on what's been said. He's put it out there, given his support, and the rest would be up to Chizuru. ... or enough time to pass for him to bring it up again.
(Which he will.) ]
Hope you're ready to be here a while--we need a bunch. Snow white makes batches in some pretty big cooking pots.
[ And surely they'll need a lot of berries for jam, right?? Look, they're so tiny!
They might be able to get a couple of jars if they pick just enough. ]
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[ She explains it a little slowly, but even though Robby may have stopped with the berry plucking for a moment, Chizuru does continue.
.. in fact there may be something a little extra to her motions, like she's using it to distract herself from focusing too hard on the current topic, since that'd just make her miserable. ]
That was.. the secret of the Shinsengumi. The shogunate ordered them to use it on their own men. Not on everyone, but-- um, on a small group. But it didn't work that well, and the people they used it on were very prone to losing their minds.. [ Her tone is obviously awkward.
Why wouldn't it be, when her father is the person who caused all of that? That knowledge has only made her thoughts about him even more complicated, even aside from all the demon stuff. ]
It's why I was actually staying with the Shinsengumi. I accidentally found out about their secret. I-- I ran into some of those men while they had escaped and were going wild by killing people on the street at night.. Some of the Shinsengumi captains saved me from them, but they couldn't let me go free, since I found out about the secret experiments.
[ And, you know, keeping her captive? Chizuru knows it was the kinder option, considering that killing her off right away sure was discussed. Extensively. Right in front of her.
But Chizuru knows better than to mention that part to Robby on top of it all. ]
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But Robby doesn't eventually resume the berry picking again, since--Robby can tell it's on purpose on Chizuru's end, and he doesn't want to make her feel any more awkward by his stopping, or that she should stop using it as something of a distraction. Though he's slower, no longer thinking about them or the jam. How can his mind be on any of that with everything that Chizuru's telling him now?
Like, shit. How do you deal with any of that? From what you're dad is doing, to the captive situation (that's a sure different scenario from what he was thinking, huh), to the drug... ]
Did they find out your dad was the guy who made the drug? [ Since Chizuru knows--and she didn't seem to know where her dad was to begin with. ] That's gotta give you protection.
[ You don't want to off the drug-maker's daughter. ]
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(Wow, so spot on - almost as if Robby understands the way semi-shady people think a little too well!!) ]
It's what saved me. [ She admits it with a very soft tone. It's not pleasant to think back on, after all. Though her life with the Shinsengumi was good before she showed up here in Trench - very good, even - the first few months sure were really, really rough. ]
I helped them look for my father, since he mysteriously disappeared after giving them those potions. But along the way things got more dire, and..
[ .. her voice trails off. Chizuru's hands grow a little slower, and she finally stops when she turns her head to look at her friend. ]
Um.. Robby. If you had to choose between dying as a human or living as.. something different, as a being that had to survive by drinking blood.. what would you do..?
[ It's a heavy question, isn't it. Chizuru usually wouldn't ask anyone that, but it's been on her mind for a long while now, without anyone to talk to about it.
And she trusts him with these heavy things. If she can't ask Robby about this hypothetical scenario, who could she ask? ]
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But that question-- he wants to say something about vampires this time, but it's also not appropriate. He does have to pause his picking though, a small sound escaping his lips, since--wow. Heavy question time indeed. But-- ]
Does it matter what blood it is? Is the other person gonna die? [ 'Other person'. Yes, he knows how this goes!! ] It'd be crazy, but--if no one got harmed permanently, I'd want to live.
[ Said, as if he wouldn't want to live anyway. But he doesn't really want to think about a meaner side. Though- ]
Going crazy would be a bigger deal to me. And not going out in the sun. [ Well. ] Not as big a deal as the crazy part, but I'd miss it.
[ He's using a somewhat lighter tone, just to take some weight off an otherwise heavy subject. ]
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[ She smiles at him, but there's something undoubtedly sad in it. His words ring surprisingly familiar, after all. She thinks about Heisuke, and the way he had seemed to change after having no choice but to drink it, to turn himself into a fury to survive. The way he'd try to downplay it, joking at her about missing the sun, even though Chizuru knew he was struggling with it far more than that.
She only continues when she looks away, staring at the bushes with the berries in front of them, rather than directly at Robby. ]
No one else has to get hurt. Um, when they can.. contain themselves, anyway. [ Since, you know. Bad things usually happen when someone loses control like that while craving for blood.. Chizuru knows that all too well, especially since one of them even attacked her. ] But.. I always thought it was kind of sad. Finding out I wasn't human was.. hard for me.
[ It's hard to even admit out loud. Even to Robby. ]
So I can imagine making the decision yourself to throw away your humanity would be even harder.
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[ Sometimes, maybe. Maybe there's times--like when you're faced with the possibility of becoming something else you've seen be so monstrous, that makes others lose their mind and hurt even the people they knew--that makes it easier to be, when the other option would be a slower, suffering end to the same conclusion. Robby can understand picking it, somewhat, or he can see it.
But: ]
Both are pretty scary. [ That's the thing, isn't it? ] It's not a good trade, and turning into something that needs blood to survive--that's gotta be a lot to grapple with. And people aren't gonna understand.
[ He can imagine it, and that's the way Robby's picturing this. The obstacles, the hardships, internally and externally. ]
But--if you're still you, and you got people who can, [ and here, he pulls his lips into something encouraging, ] --that can make a difference.
I mean, [ he adds after a beat, starting to slowly lean his upper body her way; gives a look left and right, to make sure there's no one around, ] --even if you're a squid, no one can tell you apart from the not-squid people.
[ :) ]
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It always feels nice to meet Robby like this. On such an equal level. The men of the Shinsengumi were all so impressive-- and it's not like Robby isn't, but he feels a little bit more easily human. He isn't afraid to admit certain things to her.
Or to go out of his way to try and make her smile. She sees what he's doing there at the end, and though Chizuru's smile is tiny and embarrassed, it's still visible for a moment before she ducks her head in shame. ]
I guess we are squid people together now..
[ So maybe that makes the difference between them less weird. Though Chizuru, even as a demon, has thankfully never been quite as strange as a fury, never seeking out blood. ]
.. and if you ever ended up in a strange situation where you really had to drink blood to survive, you could have mine. [ Is that a little weird to say?
Maybe. But maybe Chizuru is saying it exactly because the conversation is a little lighter, so it might not sound as heavy.. Despite the fact that the girl definitely means it. After all, it's not like they haven't exploited the fact that she's got a much bigger supply of blood than most people before for Viktor's blood experiments. ]
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But he doesn't need to think about that himself at all, does he, for what Chizuru decides to think about. Which, okay, it's kind of related to the topic of Japanese vampires, but is Robby making a face at the offer of 'oh you can drink my blood any time'?
Yes, he definitely needs a second to process this. ]
Thaa...nks? [ It's not odd-odd, and Robby can at least sound funny about it. Add: ] You can drink my blood too...?
[ This almost makes Robby wonder...
...
Wait, is this really a question he wants to ask jokingly? At all? Except this sudden thought it definitely sticking with him. No, he's gotta know: ]
Did you feed people in the shinsengumi a bunch of your blood?
[ Didn't she say a bunch of them got turned!? ]
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A moment later she's already hiding her mouth behind both of her hands.
This is definitely the expression of a guilty person. Of a kid caught with their hand far into the cookie jar. ]
W-Well, um--!
[ .. yeah, she's never particularly subtle, is she.
But despite what it seems like, she is speaking the truth - if not just because she wouldn't want to lie to Robby - when she says: ]
N-Not yet?
[ Does that make it better.
.. does it?
Her tone is flustered though, even as she removes her hands in order to be able to speak on a little better. ]
It's just.. um, I was-- I was thinking about it, especially since losing blood is less bad for me than it'd be for other people...
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They're talking about a people who need to live, and Robby just chose the side of them living--but there's a lot here that could (or could've) happen, and Robby isn't sure how long the plan would've lasted.
You know, it's the kind of idea that makes one not focus at all on the dramatic hands-on-mouth action. Because a subject like this... ]
...would your blood be okay to take? It wouldn't do anything 'cause of-- [ a slight motion. at himself? ] The demon thing?
[ ...a subject like this makes you say some wild shit, apparently. ]
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[ It's technically a moot point now, since.. well, all their blood is weird. Their blood may just be the strangest part about any of them at this point, so it doesn't even matter whether Chizuru's blood back home may have been strange if it's definitely strange at this point.
Still, she sounds unsure about it. There's so much about herself that the girl doesn't know, after all. She'd love to explain to Robby, but even she doesn't know..
So she can only relay what she does know, even if it makes her eyebrows knit together into a thoughtful frown when she looks at her friend. ]
But.. one of them kept asking me to offer my blood over and over, even though he knew what I really was, so.. my blood probably couldn't hurt anyone, if he was assuming it'd be fine. [ Sounding a little sketch there, huh. And not necessarily on Chizuru's part.
Still, she did say that she hadn't let anyone drink her blood yet, so that does imply she ignored those requests. ]
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At least Chizuru had the sense to ignore the creep. Robby picks a few more of the blackberries, though the task involving them's really become an afterthought to their conversation. ]
Helping out's nice, but you don't want to become a living blood bank. [ Robby looks at her, a grim line for a smile. ] Just 'cause you can bleed endlessly doesn't mean you should, you know?
[ Okay, he tries to say that a bit funny, a furrow of his brow. But she gets what he means, right???
Don't let people take advantage of your kindness, Chizuru. :( ]
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If it helps - Chizuru actually looks a little conflicted about this one too. For once. She's incredibly generous, sure, way too much so, but.. ]
I already felt.. a little reluctant about it. Something about it seemed a little bit scary, you know..? [ The sort of thing she feels better at admitting to Robby than to most people, giving him a small, nervous smile. ] The way he was so insistent about it didn't really feel good to me. I felt a bit guilty for holding out..
[ Because it's Chizuru. Of course she's going to feel guilty whenever she isn't in ultimate Mother Theresa mode. ]
But when some of those men get so out of control, I was-- I was afraid of getting caught up in that.
[ She seems to linger on that thought for a moment, but then shakes her head, glancing over at the berries again. ]
I guess it doesn't matter as much now. It's not like he's here to ask me about it..
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Everyone's got a lot to deal with if stuff like that's going on. [ But let's not call it strange out loud, at least, Robby knows better than that. A smile, and he's plucked a berry to hold between his fingers. ] You thought about going into medicine too? Actual medicine--not the turning people into blood suckers kinda medicine.
[ A huff, a joke--and hopefully it is a joke? Even if it was your dad who did that, Chizuru. Robby pops the berry into his mouth finally.
A reward for picking berries for jam is getting to also sample the goods. ]
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[ Not the sort of thing she really discussed with anyone, because.. well, who was there to discuss that with? She didn't have friends, she hardly left the house, and then her dad just came home less and less. It was the sort of thing she kept to herself, and speaking it out loud now, years later, almost feels a little strange.
She shyly admits it all the same though, glancing between Robby and the berries, like she isn't sure what she can better hold her gaze on in this moment. ]
Um, I mean.. before everything got.. b-before "stuff like that" was going on, you know?
[ War is kind of distracting. So is learning that your father was actually developing something that actively ruined people's lives. ]
Before that, I just wanted to be like my father. I wanted to be someone who helped people. [ Because it's what she always thought her father did.
Even if that's much more complicated now. ]
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[ Which he probably hasn't mentioned before, since the idea of learning anything of the sort has been a...wild idea for him. But he's been doing it, even if Robby himself looks a little shy now. ]
I wanted to know how to use my blood since it can heal corruption, so--that was me. But she's a real doctor. She even helps with therapy, how to talk to people.
[ It's exactly up Chizuru's alley, so to speak. All the helpful being there kind of job descriptions.
(Too bad she and Sasuke are going to be gone next month!!!) ]
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Though it's not like either of them know better right now. It's why Chizuru actually seems to contemplate this idea for a moment, busying her hands once more to not feel like she's taking time away from their clearly very important task here. (They need those jam jars..!) ]
Well.. If there's already people like that, people who are impressive enough that they could even teach others.. [ Like Robby! Honestly, it's kind of impressive he's learning that, especially when Chizuru knows that he's learning so many other things.. She hasn't forgotten him listing that entire schedule to her before, really. ] Then it's not like someone like me would also be necessary, right..?
[ M-Maybe she should just stick to doing things to her friends, the way she's doing right now. :( Especially when Chizuru is so shy about ever taking even the faintest hint of a spotlight.. ]
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He can't read!] Healing people's one of the best jobs anyone can do. It saves lives. And me? I'm just learning how to use my blood. You-- [ yes, you, chizuru! ] you know a lot more about real medicine.[ There's nothing comparable. Robby's doing his best to learn about corruption and the treatments for it, how to better work his own innate ability to interact with it despite needing to learn how to tap into his power (in a way that's more natural for other sleepers).
He is picking at the berries again himself though, seeing as Chizuru is. And it's the kind of topic that doesn't easily distract. Even if he does pop his head up to look over at her. ]
You should do it. You can really help people. Sometimes people just need someone willing to be there for them.
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[ She stammers for a moment, her focus shifting between Robby and the berries. Something about the girl seems to vaguely fluster, just like it always does when Chizuru feels like she's being put on the spot.
(Not even in a bad way! She knows Robby is just being sweet and encouraging, but.. you know, Chizuru could use a lesson or two on making her own decisions in life. The thought of committing to this feels like a lot, especially with the baggage surrounding the role of doctor her father has left her with.)
It's why she pauses for a moment before putting more berries into the containers. ]
I'll.. um. Think about it.
[ Apparently that's the best she can offer right now. She even looks apologetic about it - even though she knows it's not like Robby expects an on the spot answer here, it's Chizuru. She's still going to feel guilty for not being able to say something better than this. ]
I think right now the best thing I can do to help is to help you gather as much food as possible while this lasts.. [ Because god knows Trench won't let them keep a nice thing. :( These berries won't be here forever!! ]
wrap??
But who doesn't have their own mental marathons to deal with sometimes? ]
Sure. [ So when Robby speaks, it's with some humour at what Chizuru says last than putting any further emphasis or encouragement on what's been said. He's put it out there, given his support, and the rest would be up to Chizuru. ... or enough time to pass for him to bring it up again.
(Which he will.) ]
Hope you're ready to be here a while--we need a bunch. Snow white makes batches in some pretty big cooking pots.
[ And surely they'll need a lot of berries for jam, right?? Look, they're so tiny!
They might be able to get a couple of jars if they pick just enough. ]