I can't imagine any of this has been easy. [ She's seen firsthand what this has done to Jinx and they've spent some time discussing the details of their fight. Sharon isn't one to insert herself often into other people's problems, especially relationship problems, but... she wants to help. ]
I, uh... I hope you don't mind me calling you. I know we're not close or anything, haven't really spoken much, but... Jinx is one of my best friends. [ But she isn't calling just for Jinx. If Chizuru is hurting at all like Jinx is, it feels only right to reach out. ] I just didn't... I don't know, I just didn't want you to have to deal with this alone. Or wanted you to know that, um, I'm here? I know you've got a ton of people to look after you but you've always seemed someone who keeps her feelings to herself.
[ At least, from what she's gleaned stalking the network and from what Jinx has told her. ] I'm not calling to relay information back to Jinx, by the way. That's not... That'd be fucking rude.
There's a longer silence on Chizuru's end of the line this time. At least it's not like she's hanging up, but the cause behind the pause is very much one thing Sharon herself already pointed out: Chizuru prefering to keep her feelings close to her chest. Dumping all of this on someone she hardly knows feels like such a rude thing to do, after all.
But it also leaves her a little unsure what to say in the face of this. Sharon reaching out feels so kind, and she just-- she doesn't want to ruin everything again. ]
She must be feeling really bad if you're calling me.. [ Chizuru settles on after a few moments.
She still doesn't sound happy as she says that - for obvious reasons - but it's a little easier than starting about herself, at least. ]
Be honest, Chizuru: aren't you? [ It's not Sharon's place to tell Chizuru how Jinx feels but it's also not her place to put pressure on her like this. She realizes that's exactly what she's doing and decides to add, very quickly: ] I bet you anything you two are in a similar place right now.
Goddamn, the both of you. [ She makes a sound of frustration in the back of her throat but realizes how Chizuru may take it and is quick to add: ] It's not all your fault, okay? And there's nothing to be sorry about. You brought something up that needed to be discussed. Because it was obviously bothering you. If you hadn't, it would have festered. You would have been left wondering.
Don't beat yourself up.
But... I think you two need to talk when you're up for it. Even if it's just over text.
[ Sharon is very on point with her assessment there. At least Chizuru is used to hearing curses being thrown around like that, but something about the words that follow the initial curse has her wincing anyway. It's only the fact that she's way too polite to hang up that keeps her side of the feed still on, even though she feels a little like a startled animal. ]
.. I don't think that's such a good idea.
[ It's why her voice is softer as she speaks up - and also partially because Chizuru hates actually presenting her own ideas and suggestions, even more so ever since that talk with Jinx.
Can I ask why? [ Her voice is much more gentle as she tries not to press too hard but the whole situation frustrates her. She's never been good with relationships and this all... Well, it's all a little beyond her. It's clear they both matter to one another and it feels as if they're both trying to be distant for the sake of the other without realizing it'll just cause more hurt feelings in the long run. ]
And Chizuru is also planning on answering, even if there's a moment of nothing first. It's the sort of thing that's difficult to put into words, Chizuru trying to untangle all her thoughts and feelings enough to put them into words that someone else might be able to understand. ]
[ It's Sharon's turn to fall quiet for a good long moment, chewing at her lip in thought. Both of these girls are in their heads about this. They both think they're at fault. ]
I think the only way it can go wrong again is if you leave it like this. She... You know how she is, how she overthinks, how she blames herself. You do it, too, don't you? Blame yourself?
[ A sigh. ] Just... give it some thought, maybe? I'm not asking you to do it now. I just don't think leaving it like this will do either of you any good. [ Sharon won't press any more. Both of them need some time to heal. ]
[ It's hard. On the one hand, it's like Sharon's words are perfectly suited to pull Chizuru into doing what the other is asking of her. She's naturally obedient, naturally someone who thinks of others' needs before her own, and something about Sharon saying that Jinx is blaming herself-- it makes her feel like she should talk to the other right this instant, even if Sharon also says it doesn't have to be right now.
On the other hand, Chizuru knows she'll screw it up. Sharon may not think so, but Chizuru knows.
She's no good. She can't do this.
It's two conflicting desires, and both of them hurt. Chizuru swallows, stiffling a sob. She can't sound sad. She has to let Sharon focus on helping Jinx. She has to pull attention away from herself, and keep it focused on Jinx instead. ]
I will. [ ... ] Give it some thought, I mean.
[ Releasing a breath when it might be shaky feels too dangerous, so Chizuru momentarily holds it. ]
[ The sob catches Sharon off guard and even though Chizuru bites it back, stuffs it down, and swallows it, there's no denying what it is. Her heart pinches in her chest. ]
Hey, it's okay. Don't apologize. You've got no reason to. [ Sharon isn't a big fan of needless apologies, though she's starting to pick up on the fact that Chizuru might assign herself blame beyond just this breakup. ]
Take your time, think it over, and... If you need any advice or even just someone to talk to, you can give me a call.
[ Though Chizuru acting upon it is a different matter entirely - especially when she often feels so guilty for reaching out to people.
There's no doubt in her mind though that it's kind of the other to offer in the first place. ]
.. thank you.
[ They're two very soft words, and then Chizuru hangs up. She probably needs a moment to try and breathe to calm herself down, maybe cry a little now no one can hear. ]
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I, uh... I hope you don't mind me calling you. I know we're not close or anything, haven't really spoken much, but... Jinx is one of my best friends. [ But she isn't calling just for Jinx. If Chizuru is hurting at all like Jinx is, it feels only right to reach out. ] I just didn't... I don't know, I just didn't want you to have to deal with this alone. Or wanted you to know that, um, I'm here? I know you've got a ton of people to look after you but you've always seemed someone who keeps her feelings to herself.
[ At least, from what she's gleaned stalking the network and from what Jinx has told her. ] I'm not calling to relay information back to Jinx, by the way. That's not... That'd be fucking rude.
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There's a longer silence on Chizuru's end of the line this time. At least it's not like she's hanging up, but the cause behind the pause is very much one thing Sharon herself already pointed out: Chizuru prefering to keep her feelings close to her chest. Dumping all of this on someone she hardly knows feels like such a rude thing to do, after all.
But it also leaves her a little unsure what to say in the face of this. Sharon reaching out feels so kind, and she just-- she doesn't want to ruin everything again. ]
She must be feeling really bad if you're calling me.. [ Chizuru settles on after a few moments.
She still doesn't sound happy as she says that - for obvious reasons - but it's a little easier than starting about herself, at least. ]
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[ It's said very quietly though, making the words entirely unconvincing.
Chizuru has never been a good liar though. ]
I get it. I really hurt her. [ There's no resentment in that tone - only guilt. ] It's all my fault, so.. I'm sorry.
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Don't beat yourself up.
But... I think you two need to talk when you're up for it. Even if it's just over text.
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.. I don't think that's such a good idea.
[ It's why her voice is softer as she speaks up - and also partially because Chizuru hates actually presenting her own ideas and suggestions, even more so ever since that talk with Jinx.
Hence why she's presenting this so carefully. ]
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And Chizuru is also planning on answering, even if there's a moment of nothing first. It's the sort of thing that's difficult to put into words, Chizuru trying to untangle all her thoughts and feelings enough to put them into words that someone else might be able to understand. ]
I don't want it to go wrong again.
[ She doesn't want to make it worse. ]
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I think the only way it can go wrong again is if you leave it like this. She... You know how she is, how she overthinks, how she blames herself. You do it, too, don't you? Blame yourself?
[ A sigh. ] Just... give it some thought, maybe? I'm not asking you to do it now. I just don't think leaving it like this will do either of you any good. [ Sharon won't press any more. Both of them need some time to heal. ]
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[ It's hard. On the one hand, it's like Sharon's words are perfectly suited to pull Chizuru into doing what the other is asking of her. She's naturally obedient, naturally someone who thinks of others' needs before her own, and something about Sharon saying that Jinx is blaming herself-- it makes her feel like she should talk to the other right this instant, even if Sharon also says it doesn't have to be right now.
On the other hand, Chizuru knows she'll screw it up. Sharon may not think so, but Chizuru knows.
She's no good. She can't do this.
It's two conflicting desires, and both of them hurt. Chizuru swallows, stiffling a sob. She can't sound sad. She has to let Sharon focus on helping Jinx. She has to pull attention away from herself, and keep it focused on Jinx instead. ]
I will. [ ... ] Give it some thought, I mean.
[ Releasing a breath when it might be shaky feels too dangerous, so Chizuru momentarily holds it. ]
Sorry. That you had to reach out to me.
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Hey, it's okay. Don't apologize. You've got no reason to. [ Sharon isn't a big fan of needless apologies, though she's starting to pick up on the fact that Chizuru might assign herself blame beyond just this breakup. ]
Take your time, think it over, and... If you need any advice or even just someone to talk to, you can give me a call.
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[ Though Chizuru acting upon it is a different matter entirely - especially when she often feels so guilty for reaching out to people.
There's no doubt in her mind though that it's kind of the other to offer in the first place. ]
.. thank you.
[ They're two very soft words, and then Chizuru hangs up. She probably needs a moment to try and breathe to calm herself down, maybe cry a little now no one can hear. ]