[ Sorry if Chizuru gives you a really baffled look for a moment as she tries to process that fact. Not that she knows a whole lot about what mothers do, given that she grew up without one, but Chizuru does at least - obviously - know about societal expectations. The idea of someone having a mother, but said mother not making food for them..
.. yes, it's odd.. And it's not like Robby was all that good at cooking either when she first started teaching him, right? W-What did they eat..? Would that be rude to ask? It feels like it would be rude to ask.
Chizuru's mind is still churning on that one as she deposits more of the berries, and then starts on something that feels a little safer. ]
There were a few Europeans trading with Japan.. [ Chizuru may not be that great at keeping track of major movements in the country, but she did know this much, especially after her involvement with the Shinsengumi. ] But there wasn't much influence. People don't really like western influence where I come from..
[ It's a Big Thing, Robby. History is wild. ]
My father did study Dutch medicine though. It's why people came to him for things they couldn't see other doctors in Edo for..
[ She glances back at the vegetation in front of them right now. ]
But he never told me about these berries. [ Granted, they're not really medicinal, now are they. ]
[ Oh yeahhh, Robby thinks he knows something about that history and Japan trying to close off from the rest of the world. Too bad Japan had to find out how demanding Westerners are!! ]
Well, good thing I'm here to tell you now. [ How about that. Nevermind a dad who was seemingly not around for any good reason in the first place, and who Robby doesn't have many good thoughts about (but who also knows to keep that shit to himself!! shitty father solidarity!!). ]
Did you learn about Dutch medicine too like you did the other stuff? [ You know, other stuff. 'Other medicine'. ]
[ At least she seems to relax a little when Robby mentiosn it's a good thing he's here - because she agrees with that, and not just because he can tell her about the concept of western things. It makes her pause and stare at him, her expression shifting into a small, but very real smile.
It's enough of a reply that when she replies out loud, it's only to that next part, first nodding and then: ]
Some of it. But apparently he had also been working on things I never knew about.
[ There's a bit of an awkward tone even to just the way she says it, indicating that said 'things' might not be necessarily good.. ]
He was.. um.. [ Her berry picking momentarily slows down. ] He was experimenting.
[ A dad who's experimenting and runs off on his own daughter. At least this dad was doing something with his life? ]
This have something to do with why he left?
[ And all that shit around that other guy he was apparently involved with? Robby does note Chizuru's slowing, a look taken her way, but he'll keep picking between their conversation. God, what was that name of that one asshole from Chizuru's memory?
[ She thinks so, but it's not like she's had many opportunities to talk to her father at all since that time he disappeared - and every single piece of information she's gotten since then has only felt like it muddied the waters, including the one time she did get to talk to him.
But whereas that might mean she'd keep all speculation to herself with some people, she feels a little bit more comfortable with Robby. Maybe it's okay to talk about this when he's having trouble with his own dad too, when he might understand that innate instinct to defend them yet try to cope with their bad deeds at the same time. ]
I.. think so though. He was developing a certain kind of medicine in secret. [ Chizuru's hand lingers on a berry for a moment, but then puts it with the rest before she continues to speak. ] It could make people inhumanly strong.
[ Another thing she's not supposed to tell other people about. Not that she couldn't talk all the same with the Shinsengumi and their secrets not present in this place, but-- again, it's Robby. It's not like she's going to keep it from him. ]
[ A medicine that could make people inhumanly strong... weirdly, not the first time he's heard about such a thing. Just, using the word drug instead of medicine.
But it doesn't have to be like shimmer, does it, and Robby's trying to be thoughtful. Chizuru's world is sorta like his own, if in the past, but there is something that removes them: demons.
(Or maybe demons really do exist in his own world, and he just doesn't know like millions of others. Fuck, Peter's got a demon in him too, right?) ]
Did medicine like that exist? I mean...stuff that changes you. Makes you stronger, or--faster? Superhuman?
[ Magical, is what Robby wants to say, but it doesn't fit right, and he's frowning, unsure if he's making sense. ]
[ Chizuru nods. It may be a relatively new thing to her, just like the existence of demons, but she knows it's real. She's seen the medicine, after all. She's seen what it does to a person.
It's not good, though, hence why the girl doesn't exactly look enthusiastic about it as she nods. ]
It turns you into a demon. [ Her tone is so serious as she says it, yet lowered a little in volume. It's not even like there's anyone directly around them, but Chizuru seems to not want to say the d-word too loudly in public, not when it could be linked back to her. Sure, most people who heard about it here have been really good about it, but..
Habits die hard. ]
Or.. that was in the intent, anyway. It doesn't fully work like that.. Instead it changes humans into-- um, something inbetween. They call it a fury.
[ Chizuru speaks slowly, trying to divide the information into small little chunks. It never sounded like Robby's world had anything even remotely like this, after all, and the last thing she'd want to do is overwhelm her friend. ]
It means that you're stronger and faster than a normal human, but.. it also changes you into other ways. You can't walk under the sun very well anymore, and you-- you get a craving for blood. [ Yes.
Yes, she is describing vampires, despite not using that name for it. ]
Which, maybe there's a variant of vampires in Japan not called that, though the distinctions don't really matter. The symptoms still suck, and Robby wants to ask if people are actually taking it. But if Chizuru knows, then--? ]
The drug got out? [ ...it's really a drug at this point, right? It's not fixing you, like medicine. It's...changing you. Let's go with drug. Also, those berries? Are not currently getting picked because talking about vampires and berries don't mix.
He made it for the shogunate. [ The word flows out of Chizuru's mouth naturally, though as ever, she's pretty quick to catch onto concepts that may be natural to her, but not necessarily to Robby. So even if he might know, she still clarifies: ] They're the people in charge back home. The Shinsengumi work for them, to help keep the peace and protect the shogun.
[ She explains it a little slowly, but even though Robby may have stopped with the berry plucking for a moment, Chizuru does continue.
.. in fact there may be something a little extra to her motions, like she's using it to distract herself from focusing too hard on the current topic, since that'd just make her miserable. ]
That was.. the secret of the Shinsengumi. The shogunate ordered them to use it on their own men. Not on everyone, but-- um, on a small group. But it didn't work that well, and the people they used it on were very prone to losing their minds.. [ Her tone is obviously awkward.
Why wouldn't it be, when her father is the person who caused all of that? That knowledge has only made her thoughts about him even more complicated, even aside from all the demon stuff. ]
It's why I was actually staying with the Shinsengumi. I accidentally found out about their secret. I-- I ran into some of those men while they had escaped and were going wild by killing people on the street at night.. Some of the Shinsengumi captains saved me from them, but they couldn't let me go free, since I found out about the secret experiments.
[ And, you know, keeping her captive? Chizuru knows it was the kinder option, considering that killing her off right away sure was discussed. Extensively. Right in front of her.
But Chizuru knows better than to mention that part to Robby on top of it all. ]
[ robby would just want to talk to some guys if he knew, that's all. a chat, chizuru.
But Robby doesn't eventually resume the berry picking again, since--Robby can tell it's on purpose on Chizuru's end, and he doesn't want to make her feel any more awkward by his stopping, or that she should stop using it as something of a distraction. Though he's slower, no longer thinking about them or the jam. How can his mind be on any of that with everything that Chizuru's telling him now?
Like, shit. How do you deal with any of that? From what you're dad is doing, to the captive situation (that's a sure different scenario from what he was thinking, huh), to the drug... ]
Did they find out your dad was the guy who made the drug? [ Since Chizuru knows--and she didn't seem to know where her dad was to begin with. ] That's gotta give you protection.
[ You don't want to off the drug-maker's daughter. ]
(Wow, so spot on - almost as if Robby understands the way semi-shady people think a little too well!!) ]
It's what saved me. [ She admits it with a very soft tone. It's not pleasant to think back on, after all. Though her life with the Shinsengumi was good before she showed up here in Trench - very good, even - the first few months sure were really, really rough. ]
I helped them look for my father, since he mysteriously disappeared after giving them those potions. But along the way things got more dire, and..
[ .. her voice trails off. Chizuru's hands grow a little slower, and she finally stops when she turns her head to look at her friend. ]
Um.. Robby. If you had to choose between dying as a human or living as.. something different, as a being that had to survive by drinking blood.. what would you do..?
[ It's a heavy question, isn't it. Chizuru usually wouldn't ask anyone that, but it's been on her mind for a long while now, without anyone to talk to about it.
And she trusts him with these heavy things. If she can't ask Robby about this hypothetical scenario, who could she ask? ]
[ A man like that would need to disappear. To stop people finding him for payback--and how far do his connections go? Doesn't all this mean he has some connection to the government? But it sounds like he bailed; maybe because of the side-effects were disastrous, and while some would see that as testing, it sounds like maybe the results weren't approved of by the higher ups.
But that question-- he wants to say something about vampires this time, but it's also not appropriate. He does have to pause his picking though, a small sound escaping his lips, since--wow. Heavy question time indeed. But-- ]
Does it matter what blood it is? Is the other person gonna die? [ 'Other person'. Yes, he knows how this goes!! ] It'd be crazy, but--if no one got harmed permanently, I'd want to live.
[ Said, as if he wouldn't want to live anyway. But he doesn't really want to think about a meaner side. Though- ]
Going crazy would be a bigger deal to me. And not going out in the sun. [ Well. ] Not as big a deal as the crazy part, but I'd miss it.
[ He's using a somewhat lighter tone, just to take some weight off an otherwise heavy subject. ]
[ She smiles at him, but there's something undoubtedly sad in it. His words ring surprisingly familiar, after all. She thinks about Heisuke, and the way he had seemed to change after having no choice but to drink it, to turn himself into a fury to survive. The way he'd try to downplay it, joking at her about missing the sun, even though Chizuru knew he was struggling with it far more than that.
She only continues when she looks away, staring at the bushes with the berries in front of them, rather than directly at Robby. ]
No one else has to get hurt. Um, when they can.. contain themselves, anyway. [ Since, you know. Bad things usually happen when someone loses control like that while craving for blood.. Chizuru knows that all too well, especially since one of them even attacked her. ] But.. I always thought it was kind of sad. Finding out I wasn't human was.. hard for me.
[ It's hard to even admit out loud. Even to Robby. ]
So I can imagine making the decision yourself to throw away your humanity would be even harder.
[ Sometimes, maybe. Maybe there's times--like when you're faced with the possibility of becoming something else you've seen be so monstrous, that makes others lose their mind and hurt even the people they knew--that makes it easier to be, when the other option would be a slower, suffering end to the same conclusion. Robby can understand picking it, somewhat, or he can see it.
But: ]
Both are pretty scary. [ That's the thing, isn't it? ] It's not a good trade, and turning into something that needs blood to survive--that's gotta be a lot to grapple with. And people aren't gonna understand.
[ He can imagine it, and that's the way Robby's picturing this. The obstacles, the hardships, internally and externally. ]
But--if you're still you, and you got people who can, [ and here, he pulls his lips into something encouraging, ] --that can make a difference.
I mean, [ he adds after a beat, starting to slowly lean his upper body her way; gives a look left and right, to make sure there's no one around, ] --even if you're a squid, no one can tell you apart from the not-squid people.
[ Judging by the look in Chizuru's eyes when she turns her head to let her gaze meet Robby's, she thinks that both are pretty scary too. Chizuru wouldn't want to die, nor would she want to be changed into something that feels even more twisted than her non-human body already feels like.
It always feels nice to meet Robby like this. On such an equal level. The men of the Shinsengumi were all so impressive-- and it's not like Robby isn't, but he feels a little bit more easily human. He isn't afraid to admit certain things to her.
Or to go out of his way to try and make her smile. She sees what he's doing there at the end, and though Chizuru's smile is tiny and embarrassed, it's still visible for a moment before she ducks her head in shame. ]
I guess we are squid people together now..
[ So maybe that makes the difference between them less weird. Though Chizuru, even as a demon, has thankfully never been quite as strange as a fury, never seeking out blood. ]
.. and if you ever ended up in a strange situation where you really had to drink blood to survive, you could have mine. [ Is that a little weird to say?
Maybe. But maybe Chizuru is saying it exactly because the conversation is a little lighter, so it might not sound as heavy.. Despite the fact that the girl definitely means it. After all, it's not like they haven't exploited the fact that she's got a much bigger supply of blood than most people before for Viktor's blood experiments. ]
[ Robby knows that joke alone can't touch--can't even be called the same as--Chizuru's demon-being issues, but you know, maybe it helps to be reminded that Robby knows, and he doesn't mind (Chizuru is Chizuru--what does being a demon even mean, really?).
But he doesn't need to think about that himself at all, does he, for what Chizuru decides to think about. Which, okay, it's kind of related to the topic of Japanese vampires, but is Robby making a face at the offer of 'oh you can drink my blood any time'?
Yes, he definitely needs a second to process this. ]
Thaa...nks? [ It's not odd-odd, and Robby can at least sound funny about it. Add: ] You can drink my blood too...?
[ This almost makes Robby wonder...
...
Wait, is this really a question he wants to ask jokingly? At all? Except this sudden thought it definitely sticking with him. No, he's gotta know: ]
Did you feed people in the shinsengumi a bunch of your blood?
[ Robby, please stop being so perceptive. In fact, it's very obvious that Chizuru didn't expect the boy to reach this conclusion at all despite what Chizuru herself just said.. because the moment the question leaves Robby's mouth, her eyes grow wide.
A moment later she's already hiding her mouth behind both of her hands.
This is definitely the expression of a guilty person. Of a kid caught with their hand far into the cookie jar. ]
W-Well, um--!
[ .. yeah, she's never particularly subtle, is she.
But despite what it seems like, she is speaking the truth - if not just because she wouldn't want to lie to Robby - when she says: ]
N-Not yet?
[ Does that make it better.
.. does it?
Her tone is flustered though, even as she removes her hands in order to be able to speak on a little better. ]
It's just.. um, I was-- I was thinking about it, especially since losing blood is less bad for me than it'd be for other people...
[ How should a pal be thinking about this right now.......
They're talking about a people who need to live, and Robby just chose the side of them living--but there's a lot here that could (or could've) happen, and Robby isn't sure how long the plan would've lasted.
You know, it's the kind of idea that makes one not focus at all on the dramatic hands-on-mouth action. Because a subject like this... ]
...would your blood be okay to take? It wouldn't do anything 'cause of-- [ a slight motion. at himself? ] The demon thing?
[ ...a subject like this makes you say some wild shit, apparently. ]
[ It's technically a moot point now, since.. well, all their blood is weird. Their blood may just be the strangest part about any of them at this point, so it doesn't even matter whether Chizuru's blood back home may have been strange if it's definitely strange at this point.
Still, she sounds unsure about it. There's so much about herself that the girl doesn't know, after all. She'd love to explain to Robby, but even she doesn't know..
So she can only relay what she does know, even if it makes her eyebrows knit together into a thoughtful frown when she looks at her friend. ]
But.. one of them kept asking me to offer my blood over and over, even though he knew what I really was, so.. my blood probably couldn't hurt anyone, if he was assuming it'd be fine. [ Sounding a little sketch there, huh. And not necessarily on Chizuru's part.
Still, she did say that she hadn't let anyone drink her blood yet, so that does imply she ignored those requests. ]
[ That's a jump to make about a guy who sounds fucking weird, but. Also, the 'weird guy' is the more important part here, huh. Also the fact the blood thing is pretty moot now, but.
At least Chizuru had the sense to ignore the creep. Robby picks a few more of the blackberries, though the task involving them's really become an afterthought to their conversation. ]
Helping out's nice, but you don't want to become a living blood bank. [ Robby looks at her, a grim line for a smile. ] Just 'cause you can bleed endlessly doesn't mean you should, you know?
[ Okay, he tries to say that a bit funny, a furrow of his brow. But she gets what he means, right???
Don't let people take advantage of your kindness, Chizuru. :( ]
If it helps - Chizuru actually looks a little conflicted about this one too. For once. She's incredibly generous, sure, way too much so, but.. ]
I already felt.. a little reluctant about it. Something about it seemed a little bit scary, you know..? [ The sort of thing she feels better at admitting to Robby than to most people, giving him a small, nervous smile. ] The way he was so insistent about it didn't really feel good to me. I felt a bit guilty for holding out..
[ Because it's Chizuru. Of course she's going to feel guilty whenever she isn't in ultimate Mother Theresa mode. ]
But when some of those men get so out of control, I was-- I was afraid of getting caught up in that.
[ She seems to linger on that thought for a moment, but then shakes her head, glancing over at the berries again. ]
I guess it doesn't matter as much now. It's not like he's here to ask me about it..
[ It's not really important now, is it. Still... the stuff going on back in Chizuru's world is strange. Way more bizarre than people being too into old grudges surrounding karate. ]
Everyone's got a lot to deal with if stuff like that's going on. [ But let's not call it strange out loud, at least, Robby knows better than that. A smile, and he's plucked a berry to hold between his fingers. ] You thought about going into medicine too? Actual medicine--not the turning people into blood suckers kinda medicine.
[ A huff, a joke--and hopefully it is a joke? Even if it was your dad who did that, Chizuru. Robby pops the berry into his mouth finally.
A reward for picking berries for jam is getting to also sample the goods. ]
[ Not the sort of thing she really discussed with anyone, because.. well, who was there to discuss that with? She didn't have friends, she hardly left the house, and then her dad just came home less and less. It was the sort of thing she kept to herself, and speaking it out loud now, years later, almost feels a little strange.
She shyly admits it all the same though, glancing between Robby and the berries, like she isn't sure what she can better hold her gaze on in this moment. ]
Um, I mean.. before everything got.. b-before "stuff like that" was going on, you know?
[ War is kind of distracting. So is learning that your father was actually developing something that actively ruined people's lives. ]
Before that, I just wanted to be like my father. I wanted to be someone who helped people. [ Because it's what she always thought her father did.
You still can. [ His voice perks at the idea, and even-- ] I know a woman. Sakura--you heard of her? It was her kimonos that Sasuke showed us when we asked about them. She's been teaching me some healing.
[ Which he probably hasn't mentioned before, since the idea of learning anything of the sort has been a...wild idea for him. But he's been doing it, even if Robby himself looks a little shy now. ]
I wanted to know how to use my blood since it can heal corruption, so--that was me. But she's a real doctor. She even helps with therapy, how to talk to people.
[ It's exactly up Chizuru's alley, so to speak. All the helpful being there kind of job descriptions.
(Too bad she and Sasuke are going to be gone next month!!!) ]
[ I can't believe Robby would give her this sort of false advertisement--
Though it's not like either of them know better right now. It's why Chizuru actually seems to contemplate this idea for a moment, busying her hands once more to not feel like she's taking time away from their clearly very important task here. (They need those jam jars..!) ]
Well.. If there's already people like that, people who are impressive enough that they could even teach others.. [ Like Robby! Honestly, it's kind of impressive he's learning that, especially when Chizuru knows that he's learning so many other things.. She hasn't forgotten him listing that entire schedule to her before, really. ] Then it's not like someone like me would also be necessary, right..?
[ M-Maybe she should just stick to doing things to her friends, the way she's doing right now. :( Especially when Chizuru is so shy about ever taking even the faintest hint of a spotlight.. ]
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.. yes, it's odd.. And it's not like Robby was all that good at cooking either when she first started teaching him, right? W-What did they eat..? Would that be rude to ask? It feels like it would be rude to ask.
Chizuru's mind is still churning on that one as she deposits more of the berries, and then starts on something that feels a little safer. ]
There were a few Europeans trading with Japan.. [ Chizuru may not be that great at keeping track of major movements in the country, but she did know this much, especially after her involvement with the Shinsengumi. ] But there wasn't much influence. People don't really like western influence where I come from..
[ It's a Big Thing, Robby. History is wild. ]
My father did study Dutch medicine though. It's why people came to him for things they couldn't see other doctors in Edo for..
[ She glances back at the vegetation in front of them right now. ]
But he never told me about these berries. [ Granted, they're not really medicinal, now are they. ]
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Well, good thing I'm here to tell you now. [ How about that. Nevermind a dad who was seemingly not around for any good reason in the first place, and who Robby doesn't have many good thoughts about (but who also knows to keep that shit to himself!! shitty father solidarity!!). ]
Did you learn about Dutch medicine too like you did the other stuff? [ You know, other stuff. 'Other medicine'. ]
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It's enough of a reply that when she replies out loud, it's only to that next part, first nodding and then: ]
Some of it. But apparently he had also been working on things I never knew about.
[ There's a bit of an awkward tone even to just the way she says it, indicating that said 'things' might not be necessarily good.. ]
He was.. um.. [ Her berry picking momentarily slows down. ] He was experimenting.
[ Ominous. ]
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This have something to do with why he left?
[ And all that shit around that other guy he was apparently involved with? Robby does note Chizuru's slowing, a look taken her way, but he'll keep picking between their conversation. God, what was that name of that one asshole from Chizuru's memory?
...eh. Not worth remembering. ]
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[ She thinks so, but it's not like she's had many opportunities to talk to her father at all since that time he disappeared - and every single piece of information she's gotten since then has only felt like it muddied the waters, including the one time she did get to talk to him.
But whereas that might mean she'd keep all speculation to herself with some people, she feels a little bit more comfortable with Robby. Maybe it's okay to talk about this when he's having trouble with his own dad too, when he might understand that innate instinct to defend them yet try to cope with their bad deeds at the same time. ]
I.. think so though. He was developing a certain kind of medicine in secret. [ Chizuru's hand lingers on a berry for a moment, but then puts it with the rest before she continues to speak. ] It could make people inhumanly strong.
[ Another thing she's not supposed to tell other people about. Not that she couldn't talk all the same with the Shinsengumi and their secrets not present in this place, but-- again, it's Robby. It's not like she's going to keep it from him. ]
no subject
But it doesn't have to be like shimmer, does it, and Robby's trying to be thoughtful. Chizuru's world is sorta like his own, if in the past, but there is something that removes them: demons.
(Or maybe demons really do exist in his own world, and he just doesn't know like millions of others. Fuck, Peter's got a demon in him too, right?) ]
Did medicine like that exist? I mean...stuff that changes you. Makes you stronger, or--faster? Superhuman?
[ Magical, is what Robby wants to say, but it doesn't fit right, and he's frowning, unsure if he's making sense. ]
no subject
It's not good, though, hence why the girl doesn't exactly look enthusiastic about it as she nods. ]
It turns you into a demon. [ Her tone is so serious as she says it, yet lowered a little in volume. It's not even like there's anyone directly around them, but Chizuru seems to not want to say the d-word too loudly in public, not when it could be linked back to her. Sure, most people who heard about it here have been really good about it, but..
Habits die hard. ]
Or.. that was in the intent, anyway. It doesn't fully work like that.. Instead it changes humans into-- um, something inbetween. They call it a fury.
[ Chizuru speaks slowly, trying to divide the information into small little chunks. It never sounded like Robby's world had anything even remotely like this, after all, and the last thing she'd want to do is overwhelm her friend. ]
It means that you're stronger and faster than a normal human, but.. it also changes you into other ways. You can't walk under the sun very well anymore, and you-- you get a craving for blood. [ Yes.
Yes, she is describing vampires, despite not using that name for it. ]
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She sure is describing vampires, there.
Which, maybe there's a variant of vampires in Japan not called that, though the distinctions don't really matter. The symptoms still suck, and Robby wants to ask if people are actually taking it. But if Chizuru knows, then--? ]
The drug got out? [ ...it's really a drug at this point, right? It's not fixing you, like medicine. It's...changing you. Let's go with drug. Also, those berries? Are not currently getting picked because talking about vampires and berries don't mix.
(For now.) ]
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[ She explains it a little slowly, but even though Robby may have stopped with the berry plucking for a moment, Chizuru does continue.
.. in fact there may be something a little extra to her motions, like she's using it to distract herself from focusing too hard on the current topic, since that'd just make her miserable. ]
That was.. the secret of the Shinsengumi. The shogunate ordered them to use it on their own men. Not on everyone, but-- um, on a small group. But it didn't work that well, and the people they used it on were very prone to losing their minds.. [ Her tone is obviously awkward.
Why wouldn't it be, when her father is the person who caused all of that? That knowledge has only made her thoughts about him even more complicated, even aside from all the demon stuff. ]
It's why I was actually staying with the Shinsengumi. I accidentally found out about their secret. I-- I ran into some of those men while they had escaped and were going wild by killing people on the street at night.. Some of the Shinsengumi captains saved me from them, but they couldn't let me go free, since I found out about the secret experiments.
[ And, you know, keeping her captive? Chizuru knows it was the kinder option, considering that killing her off right away sure was discussed. Extensively. Right in front of her.
But Chizuru knows better than to mention that part to Robby on top of it all. ]
no subject
But Robby doesn't eventually resume the berry picking again, since--Robby can tell it's on purpose on Chizuru's end, and he doesn't want to make her feel any more awkward by his stopping, or that she should stop using it as something of a distraction. Though he's slower, no longer thinking about them or the jam. How can his mind be on any of that with everything that Chizuru's telling him now?
Like, shit. How do you deal with any of that? From what you're dad is doing, to the captive situation (that's a sure different scenario from what he was thinking, huh), to the drug... ]
Did they find out your dad was the guy who made the drug? [ Since Chizuru knows--and she didn't seem to know where her dad was to begin with. ] That's gotta give you protection.
[ You don't want to off the drug-maker's daughter. ]
no subject
(Wow, so spot on - almost as if Robby understands the way semi-shady people think a little too well!!) ]
It's what saved me. [ She admits it with a very soft tone. It's not pleasant to think back on, after all. Though her life with the Shinsengumi was good before she showed up here in Trench - very good, even - the first few months sure were really, really rough. ]
I helped them look for my father, since he mysteriously disappeared after giving them those potions. But along the way things got more dire, and..
[ .. her voice trails off. Chizuru's hands grow a little slower, and she finally stops when she turns her head to look at her friend. ]
Um.. Robby. If you had to choose between dying as a human or living as.. something different, as a being that had to survive by drinking blood.. what would you do..?
[ It's a heavy question, isn't it. Chizuru usually wouldn't ask anyone that, but it's been on her mind for a long while now, without anyone to talk to about it.
And she trusts him with these heavy things. If she can't ask Robby about this hypothetical scenario, who could she ask? ]
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But that question-- he wants to say something about vampires this time, but it's also not appropriate. He does have to pause his picking though, a small sound escaping his lips, since--wow. Heavy question time indeed. But-- ]
Does it matter what blood it is? Is the other person gonna die? [ 'Other person'. Yes, he knows how this goes!! ] It'd be crazy, but--if no one got harmed permanently, I'd want to live.
[ Said, as if he wouldn't want to live anyway. But he doesn't really want to think about a meaner side. Though- ]
Going crazy would be a bigger deal to me. And not going out in the sun. [ Well. ] Not as big a deal as the crazy part, but I'd miss it.
[ He's using a somewhat lighter tone, just to take some weight off an otherwise heavy subject. ]
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[ She smiles at him, but there's something undoubtedly sad in it. His words ring surprisingly familiar, after all. She thinks about Heisuke, and the way he had seemed to change after having no choice but to drink it, to turn himself into a fury to survive. The way he'd try to downplay it, joking at her about missing the sun, even though Chizuru knew he was struggling with it far more than that.
She only continues when she looks away, staring at the bushes with the berries in front of them, rather than directly at Robby. ]
No one else has to get hurt. Um, when they can.. contain themselves, anyway. [ Since, you know. Bad things usually happen when someone loses control like that while craving for blood.. Chizuru knows that all too well, especially since one of them even attacked her. ] But.. I always thought it was kind of sad. Finding out I wasn't human was.. hard for me.
[ It's hard to even admit out loud. Even to Robby. ]
So I can imagine making the decision yourself to throw away your humanity would be even harder.
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[ Sometimes, maybe. Maybe there's times--like when you're faced with the possibility of becoming something else you've seen be so monstrous, that makes others lose their mind and hurt even the people they knew--that makes it easier to be, when the other option would be a slower, suffering end to the same conclusion. Robby can understand picking it, somewhat, or he can see it.
But: ]
Both are pretty scary. [ That's the thing, isn't it? ] It's not a good trade, and turning into something that needs blood to survive--that's gotta be a lot to grapple with. And people aren't gonna understand.
[ He can imagine it, and that's the way Robby's picturing this. The obstacles, the hardships, internally and externally. ]
But--if you're still you, and you got people who can, [ and here, he pulls his lips into something encouraging, ] --that can make a difference.
I mean, [ he adds after a beat, starting to slowly lean his upper body her way; gives a look left and right, to make sure there's no one around, ] --even if you're a squid, no one can tell you apart from the not-squid people.
[ :) ]
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It always feels nice to meet Robby like this. On such an equal level. The men of the Shinsengumi were all so impressive-- and it's not like Robby isn't, but he feels a little bit more easily human. He isn't afraid to admit certain things to her.
Or to go out of his way to try and make her smile. She sees what he's doing there at the end, and though Chizuru's smile is tiny and embarrassed, it's still visible for a moment before she ducks her head in shame. ]
I guess we are squid people together now..
[ So maybe that makes the difference between them less weird. Though Chizuru, even as a demon, has thankfully never been quite as strange as a fury, never seeking out blood. ]
.. and if you ever ended up in a strange situation where you really had to drink blood to survive, you could have mine. [ Is that a little weird to say?
Maybe. But maybe Chizuru is saying it exactly because the conversation is a little lighter, so it might not sound as heavy.. Despite the fact that the girl definitely means it. After all, it's not like they haven't exploited the fact that she's got a much bigger supply of blood than most people before for Viktor's blood experiments. ]
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But he doesn't need to think about that himself at all, does he, for what Chizuru decides to think about. Which, okay, it's kind of related to the topic of Japanese vampires, but is Robby making a face at the offer of 'oh you can drink my blood any time'?
Yes, he definitely needs a second to process this. ]
Thaa...nks? [ It's not odd-odd, and Robby can at least sound funny about it. Add: ] You can drink my blood too...?
[ This almost makes Robby wonder...
...
Wait, is this really a question he wants to ask jokingly? At all? Except this sudden thought it definitely sticking with him. No, he's gotta know: ]
Did you feed people in the shinsengumi a bunch of your blood?
[ Didn't she say a bunch of them got turned!? ]
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A moment later she's already hiding her mouth behind both of her hands.
This is definitely the expression of a guilty person. Of a kid caught with their hand far into the cookie jar. ]
W-Well, um--!
[ .. yeah, she's never particularly subtle, is she.
But despite what it seems like, she is speaking the truth - if not just because she wouldn't want to lie to Robby - when she says: ]
N-Not yet?
[ Does that make it better.
.. does it?
Her tone is flustered though, even as she removes her hands in order to be able to speak on a little better. ]
It's just.. um, I was-- I was thinking about it, especially since losing blood is less bad for me than it'd be for other people...
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They're talking about a people who need to live, and Robby just chose the side of them living--but there's a lot here that could (or could've) happen, and Robby isn't sure how long the plan would've lasted.
You know, it's the kind of idea that makes one not focus at all on the dramatic hands-on-mouth action. Because a subject like this... ]
...would your blood be okay to take? It wouldn't do anything 'cause of-- [ a slight motion. at himself? ] The demon thing?
[ ...a subject like this makes you say some wild shit, apparently. ]
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[ It's technically a moot point now, since.. well, all their blood is weird. Their blood may just be the strangest part about any of them at this point, so it doesn't even matter whether Chizuru's blood back home may have been strange if it's definitely strange at this point.
Still, she sounds unsure about it. There's so much about herself that the girl doesn't know, after all. She'd love to explain to Robby, but even she doesn't know..
So she can only relay what she does know, even if it makes her eyebrows knit together into a thoughtful frown when she looks at her friend. ]
But.. one of them kept asking me to offer my blood over and over, even though he knew what I really was, so.. my blood probably couldn't hurt anyone, if he was assuming it'd be fine. [ Sounding a little sketch there, huh. And not necessarily on Chizuru's part.
Still, she did say that she hadn't let anyone drink her blood yet, so that does imply she ignored those requests. ]
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At least Chizuru had the sense to ignore the creep. Robby picks a few more of the blackberries, though the task involving them's really become an afterthought to their conversation. ]
Helping out's nice, but you don't want to become a living blood bank. [ Robby looks at her, a grim line for a smile. ] Just 'cause you can bleed endlessly doesn't mean you should, you know?
[ Okay, he tries to say that a bit funny, a furrow of his brow. But she gets what he means, right???
Don't let people take advantage of your kindness, Chizuru. :( ]
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If it helps - Chizuru actually looks a little conflicted about this one too. For once. She's incredibly generous, sure, way too much so, but.. ]
I already felt.. a little reluctant about it. Something about it seemed a little bit scary, you know..? [ The sort of thing she feels better at admitting to Robby than to most people, giving him a small, nervous smile. ] The way he was so insistent about it didn't really feel good to me. I felt a bit guilty for holding out..
[ Because it's Chizuru. Of course she's going to feel guilty whenever she isn't in ultimate Mother Theresa mode. ]
But when some of those men get so out of control, I was-- I was afraid of getting caught up in that.
[ She seems to linger on that thought for a moment, but then shakes her head, glancing over at the berries again. ]
I guess it doesn't matter as much now. It's not like he's here to ask me about it..
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Everyone's got a lot to deal with if stuff like that's going on. [ But let's not call it strange out loud, at least, Robby knows better than that. A smile, and he's plucked a berry to hold between his fingers. ] You thought about going into medicine too? Actual medicine--not the turning people into blood suckers kinda medicine.
[ A huff, a joke--and hopefully it is a joke? Even if it was your dad who did that, Chizuru. Robby pops the berry into his mouth finally.
A reward for picking berries for jam is getting to also sample the goods. ]
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[ Not the sort of thing she really discussed with anyone, because.. well, who was there to discuss that with? She didn't have friends, she hardly left the house, and then her dad just came home less and less. It was the sort of thing she kept to herself, and speaking it out loud now, years later, almost feels a little strange.
She shyly admits it all the same though, glancing between Robby and the berries, like she isn't sure what she can better hold her gaze on in this moment. ]
Um, I mean.. before everything got.. b-before "stuff like that" was going on, you know?
[ War is kind of distracting. So is learning that your father was actually developing something that actively ruined people's lives. ]
Before that, I just wanted to be like my father. I wanted to be someone who helped people. [ Because it's what she always thought her father did.
Even if that's much more complicated now. ]
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[ Which he probably hasn't mentioned before, since the idea of learning anything of the sort has been a...wild idea for him. But he's been doing it, even if Robby himself looks a little shy now. ]
I wanted to know how to use my blood since it can heal corruption, so--that was me. But she's a real doctor. She even helps with therapy, how to talk to people.
[ It's exactly up Chizuru's alley, so to speak. All the helpful being there kind of job descriptions.
(Too bad she and Sasuke are going to be gone next month!!!) ]
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Though it's not like either of them know better right now. It's why Chizuru actually seems to contemplate this idea for a moment, busying her hands once more to not feel like she's taking time away from their clearly very important task here. (They need those jam jars..!) ]
Well.. If there's already people like that, people who are impressive enough that they could even teach others.. [ Like Robby! Honestly, it's kind of impressive he's learning that, especially when Chizuru knows that he's learning so many other things.. She hasn't forgotten him listing that entire schedule to her before, really. ] Then it's not like someone like me would also be necessary, right..?
[ M-Maybe she should just stick to doing things to her friends, the way she's doing right now. :( Especially when Chizuru is so shy about ever taking even the faintest hint of a spotlight.. ]
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wrap??