hey chizuru. someone told me face paints were screwing with ppl like changing their entire body? dont know if you got one but wanted to check in hope ur ok
[ .. oh, gosh. For a moment Chizuru wonders if maybe Robby has some supernatural power after all. That he's able to sense this sort of stuff or something. S-Sure, he said that it's just that someone told him, but what if he knows that Chizuru hasn't been able to get this mask off her face... S-Somehow...
More than anything though, she really doesn't want Robby to have to worry about her. Surely he has his own stuff to deal with. So-- ]
hello robby please do not worry i am fine and have not been dealing with anything like that and even if i had it clearly would not be a problem that is still unsolved
[ This is the least suspicious text Robby has ever received in his life. ]
well if anyone you know ends up with a problem like that they told me the person will change back eventually even if they dont drink blood or whatever the other solution is
[ A text pause. ]
i got in a fight with twenty zombies and i lost an arm and want to eat people but otherwise im doing ok
[ This is not even an intentional keysmash. No, this is what happens when Chizuru gets so startled that she just drops her Omni as soon as she starts trying to type a frantic response to the message she just received.
It takes a moment for her to duck and grab her Omni again, but when she realises she's far too panicked to properly write a message, it's instead a voice message coming through from Chizuru's end, her voice rising in volume. ]
R-Robby, are you okay?! [ Not that Chizuru has any idea what a 'zombie' is. But the rest of it is alarming enough for her to be in a full blown panic here, like she can't realise the obvious joke. ] A-Are you still in trouble? I-- um, I mean, even if you want to e-eat people, I can come over and help..!
[ Wow, his Japanese friend from the old ages knows what a keymash is? Nice. It's like they're the only two who truly know how to use the internet! (by not capitalising anything like all these other weirdos!)
But oh, the voice message he wasn't expecting, and it actually gets a smile out of him (rare in this late of the month), a small snort likely concealed by her rambling. ]
[ There's a slight pause. The kind of pause where one might expect Chizuru to pick up on the fact that Robby is clearly just joking, especially since he's able to ask her something like that so calmly, despite his.. 'situation'..
But that's definitely not what's going on here, judging by Chizuru's answer. ]
I-I mean.. If you need to eat people to live now..
[ No, she's not thinking about how this is a joke.
Instead she's already trying to figure out a very serious plan for this problem. Because if Robby can only eat people to survive, that's bad for so many reasons. But Chizuru-- well, she knows that her body regenerates when it gets hurt, so maybe it's.. safer to offer herself to him to eat... or parts of her, anyway..
She really hates the thought of it, sure, but if the alternative is Robby dying-- these are just the things one has to consider for the sake of their friends in Trench, clearly.
(Is she spiraling way too far? Yes. But in her defense, she's been spiraling about her own mask problem for a day or so already now, so it makes it easier to spiral about everything else too.) ]
[ Fortunately, no part of Robby is taking this seriously, or picking up just how far Chizuru's mind is willing to take this. She won't be able to go too far anyway, when, with a chuckle still in his words-- ]
Well, it's a good thing I made that up. [ Which he says like it should be obvious, and shouldn't it? (Someone is forgetting where they are.) ] Like how you don't have a mask problem?
[ A mask, face paint -- that part isn't the point, so much as the one he's trying to get across. A lie for a lie; even if this went to places (like voice chat) than Robby realised they would.
But it's okay, Chizuru. Robby will give you a moment for your brain to realise what's going on. ]
Even though it's a brief moment, and then Chizuru is already sputtering when the full on realisation hits her. ]
W-Wait, what?! You made it up?!
[ She doesn't even sound offended by that idea, mind you. She just sounds surprised, since she was fully assuming this was serious.. and maybe a little bit flustered for how seriously she took it. Robby is never allowed to know she was considering feeding him with herself, okay. Never. ]
Robby, I thought you were in real trouble..!
[ Now there's a bit of a miserable whine in her tone. Like a puppy.
Chizuru is not even actively trying to avoid talk of her own problem here with what she's saying, mind you. It's just that she needs to get this out first. ]
[ There's a small laugh, one that bothers to sound sheepish. ]
I guess it's possible in this place. [ Okay, he'll concede to that. ] I'm fine -- I promise this time.
[ Cross his heart and hope to become a zombie. He lets that sit without interruption for a moment, before, moving onto the point behind all this (other than to tease Chizuru): ]
The tiniest, though. Mostly because she knows she doesn't want to lie to Robby here, but telling the truth isn't exactly easy either, especially with the adrenaline of the sudden worry about him lingering in her heart. ]
.. can you please define 'okay'?
[ She's trying, really. Even when she says that with a very tiny voice. ]
Then I can give you an answer.
[ She can imagine situations here that might make her more miserable than her current one, after all, so it's not like she's at her worst. But it would probably be a stretch to say she's 'okay' either by most definitions. A-At least she doesn't want to eat people?! ]
[ What is okay, here? Robby thinks about it for a moment, and the slowly: ]
Are you feeling weird about whatever's happened but you're just embarrassed at worst, or- could you do with a friend who'll be around you, and won't judge you for whatever you look like right now?
[ In Robby's defence, he speaks carefully, too - an offer that's sincere, hoping that it'll sound like an option that Chizuru won't immediately turn away from. She can; and it might do better for her, to take whatever approach she'd feel better about. But if she's feeling miserable?
He doesn't mind being the company to her misery, adding after a pause: ]
We can make something new together. A recipe -- you can lead me through it.
[ You know. In case it's difficult for her right now to do much, so he might as well add that clarification. ]
[ She gets that - in theory - he doesn't mind, or he wouldn't be offering this. Heck, she'd know that even without the offer, since it's just what Robby is like. He's always entirely too nice, always entirely too willing to help her out with just about anything.
Which is why she quickly adds, speaking so fast that she nearly trips over her own words: ]
N-Not that I think you'd mind! But, it's just..
[ ... ]
I look really, really awful right now. I think it might be too much even for someone as kind as you. Even if it's not as if I'm eating people or something.. [ Apparently that joke example is just sticking around now, huh. ] .. it's still not great to be around me right now, I'm sure. That's why I thought it'd be better for me to see as few people as possible..
[ Which is why she hadn't contacted Robby at all for the past two days or so either, whereas she usually might have tried to check in on him too, especially so close to the end of the month. ]
[ Robby remembers about the guy saying he'd been turned into a full-body skeleton, and how the thought of possibly meeting him had, admittedly, freaked him the fuck out. Would he feel the same about Chizuru? He wonders, and then he changes the shape of the curse, the horrors it could be, in his head a few times. Truthfully, he's not so creative to get past a slime monster and maybe a head half-exposed from some kind of hacking of a blade or shotgun wound, but-- ]
That sounds lonely. [ --that's the sentiment that sticks with him louder than any visual horror, a sympathy soft from his lips.
It could be bad. It could be worse than Chizuru is capable of describing, it could be a bad idea to not trust her judgment, but. ]
I'll be round in ten minutes? [ He wants to be there. Pass over the idea of asking her for a picture and confirming the strength of his stomach, and just go for it. Because it's Chizuru, and that's all he needs as an excuse, a reason.
(He takes care of his, is what tugs at his reasoning.) ]
[ It's a soft agreement, but agreement all the same. If she asked whether he's sure, and he still agrees on coming over, then Chizuru won't bother to question again - his answer is clear.
And while she's still a little worried about his potential reaction to the way she looks right now, she knows nothing about it can be helped now. He's coming over. He's going to see it, one way or another. So Chizuru just closes the feed, and then waits.
(There's anxiety in her chest, but she tries to be strong.)
All the way until she can hear the knock on the door. She's been letting Scorpia open the door for the past two days, not wanting to expose herself to anyone and her roommate thankfully understanding her desire to hide for a while, but she knows that it's for her this time.
So Chizuru sucks in a breath, and opens the door. If it wasn't for the fact that Chizuru and Scorpia's bodies are very different, it would have been hard to realise it's even Chizuru at the door though. The girl's body is the same as ever, but her face and head are much different. Her skin a deep red, twisted, horns growing out of it, her head completely bald and with a permanent frown etched onto her features, even though the eyes - and the emotion that shows in them, shyness and worry - definitely are Chizuru's own in the middle of it all.
It's tempting to not say anything, but she doesn't want to put the burden of that on Robby, so she instead forces out a shaky: ]
[ He has more time to consider further possibilities on what he's going to be walking into, meeting Chizuru. More horror victims, with a lot more blood than he probably should be going for, Robby realises, when he actually starts to question what Chizuru would go for. But he can't accurately say, when his mind wanders over to softer subjects: why not a butterfly? Is a butterfly good for a Black Parade? Okay, what about -- a ghost?
All this to say, he isn't quite ready for what he does meet when he climbs the stoop before her and Scorpia's front door. Taking in a breath, preparing himself before he knocks on the door.
Some kind of Japanese horror should have been obvious, but this is a guy who hasn't even seen The Ring.
Still: it does cause him to stop. The face that meets him not quite a face at first but a boiling rage, or so is how he sees the scarlet red foremost, before his eyes can adjust. There's eyes there too, almost hidden by the thick burrowing brows (eyes that may not want to keep looking at him, with his looking at her like this), and her voice hasn't changed. Everything is still Chizuru, underneath.
His surprise relaxes as the seconds count. It's really not as bad as he thought it'd be, and he wants to convey that, somehow, but words alone don't seem to be enough. When there's this face that shames her, a body of red, when--
It's not straightforward, a horn protruding out of the front of Chizuru's cheek, but Robby manages to slip his hand along the side of her face all same; fingers laying over more of her ear and his thumb brushing against the muscle of cheek that he can get to. He smiles at her, dimples forming as it widens. ]
Hey, Chizuru. [ You look great won't work here; You look fine sounds like it's patronising her worries.
[ Chizuru thought she was going to be strong about this. More than anything - she just didn't want to make Robby uncomfortable, and she could imagine that he'd feel that way. It's a whole lot to see a friend suddenly transformed like this, after all. Not only in a way that leaves them practically unrecognizable, but not even in a good way, instead looking hideous. So she has to be strong, and do her best to seem okay, just so Robby won't have to comfort someone who looks like this. A monster.
But then-- Robby does so anyway.
Even without Chizuru asking for it. Even with her doing absolutely nothing but trying to greet the other despite the circumstances, despite the anxiety in her gut. He's reaching out, and he's actually touching her face, the touch dulled by the way her skin is so much thicker, but she can still feel it.
And that's where it gets to be too much. Chizuru isn't that strong at all, after all. It's like something inside of her buckles at the touch, and after standing there and trying to process it for a few seconds, she moves. Her feet stepping forward, just a touch closer to the other, until she buries her face against his shoulder.. or, rather, as well as she can. The upside of Chizuru's current look is that none of the horns stick directly forward, so he shouldn't get any of the painful pointy edges shoved into him by the action, but some of the horns are still pressing their sides against him a little - it probably isn't all that comfortable, and it means there's still a slight distance between them.
But Chizuru can't think about that right now. With everything that she's been through ever since this sudden and frightening transformation, and then Robby showing up and saying he's glad he came over..
.. all she can do is start to cry, loudly sobbing against him. Unable to even get out any words, the only noises being the crying. ]
His own heart - and mind - have been a mess of an existence, his body more hollow than real, working on automatic than anything he gives real thought for. He needs to move all the time, his brain won't let him sleep, and now he exists with the bitterness a constant in the back of his throat. Tory's visit to the clinic isn't until next month, and there's nothing good in life right now.
But there is Chizuru. There's her pressing against him, seeking comfort, and he doesn't care for the way her horns dig in close to bone; not sharply, but still thick and unyielding, and he wraps his arms around her shoulders and the back of her head, and lets her come in as close as she wants to be. ]
Hey, [ he whispers; a voice not to stop her, but to cradle her the same as his embrace, his fingers and thumb on the back of her hair stroking through it, along it. ] It's okay. You're gonna be okay.
[ He won't stop her tears. He won't tell her to stop, but might even let his head bow close to hers, giving her all the time she needs to let it out. Might even, once her sobs quiet to the trembling that one is left with after crying, quietly rock her, slowly, against him; if there's nothing she does to stop him at any point, if she lets him -- be there for her, comfort her.
Then Robby will, here on this stoop, with no intentions to interrupt until she manages to quiet down naturally. ]
[ It does take a while. Not endlessly long, but just long enough that it's a good thing that Robby is being patient here. It's like all the feelings Chizuru has cropped up within herself, telling herself that she can deal with all of it, are pouring out all at once. Like the entire dam has broken after the first tear has fallen, and she can't help but stand there in Robby's arms until she's all dried out.
When she is, the girl sucks in a shaky breath, trying to calm herself further down - especially when she can feel that her body is trembling, and that it means he must be feeling the same thing, considering how close together they are in this moment. ]
.. I'm sorry.
[ Her voice is so soft, an incredibly quiet apology. Little more than a whisper, and she steps back slowly, like she wants to make sure to untangle this hug carefully, so he doesn't get hit by any of the horns growing out of her.
Chizuru raises a hand, trying to wipe the remainders of tears off her face, even though it only reminds her of its grotesque shape. ]
You came all the way over here to see me. I shouldn't-- [ Have cried on him? Worried him?
There are so many things she ought to apologize to Robby for, she thinks. Robby, who surely must be having a hard time of his own, and here she is, only thinking about her own problem. Selfish. ]
.. I should've greeted you with a smile. Or asked you how you are doing..
[ He lets her move back without resistance, a wet patch on his jacket left from her tears, but Robby isn't exactly looking down and examining. His hands linger against her arms up until she wipes at her face, dropping slowly back down to his sides. ]
You can still do that. [ It's spoken softly, if not as softly as Chizuru is; a smile in it - and on his face - that's reassuring and light, a peak of sunlight in an otherwise dull, grey moment.
He lifts his hands again, touches her near her elbows in a temporary gesture. ] But we can do that inside. [ And, a little firmer: ] I came here to see you, so it's okay to be however you feel right now, okay?
[ It's a soft response, but it is a response - and one that doesn't outright reject what Robby is saying here. After all, he's expressing his feelings. If he feels that it's okay to him for her to feel the way she does right now, then she can't just question his feelings.
.. no matter how hard it is to feel like it's alright to feel bad.
Instead of dwelling on that thought, Chizuru reaches out, slowly seeking out one of Robby's hands to hold it in her own. It's a light grasp, but just strong enough to hold on to that hand even as she turns to head into the house, taking him along to the living room. Scorpia is out, so the girl figures that it's probably fine for them to sit down there together for a bit. ]
So.. [ ... ] Robby, how are you doing..?
[ The smiling part - that's still too hard for her. Even as they move into the living room, and Chizuru guides them to sit down on the couch together, the girl doesn't smile. The way her current face falls easily makes it look like she's frowning in the first place, but smiling requires a kind of energy she doesn't have within herself right now, no matter how glad she is for the other's company in this moment.
But she can at least live up to the other part of what she said she wish she had done sooner - asking that. ]
[ He lets her lead him without question, without thought of where they're going. But he sees the seating once they're in the living room, and he takes his place beside her. If there's a chance she doesn't drop his hand when they take their places, then Robby won't take it back; he'll let it exist between them, even give her hand a little squeeze.
That's her emotional support hand, that is. ]
Well... actually, I've been having a tough time, too. [ He can't be dishonest now, can he? After he called her out on it, and came all this way to see her. It's odd when he turns and sees her face, and doesn't actually see it at all; his eyes searching for what's not there, but at the same time, it's more like a mask than a different person.
If only he could peel that away from her. As it is, he doesn't drop his smile -- small, anyway, in the first place. ]
Uh, it turns out the Pthumerian I'm under is Cloverfield, which means I have to feel miserable all month. [ He huffs a sound like a short laugh, but more of a breath. ] But I've been getting some medicine that works to help me sleep. But I'm looking forward to the end of the month. Here's hoping we get something better, right?
[ He'd ask about her blood effects, but this seems miserable enough for Chizuru. Instead: ]
[ It's so much harder to precisely see Chizuru's facial expressions. The shape of her current face is so extreme that it's hard for it to really take on the shape most faces would when expressing emotion - though it's at least visible that her brows pinch a bit tighter together, like she's frowning more so than her default facial expression in this state.
It's with worry over the other. Even if Robby mentions it all so lightly, like it's no big deal, Chizuru still can't imagine it being great when you can hardly sleep all month. It instantly makes her feel a little guilty at herself, if not outright mad. How dare she bother Robby with her own problems when he's having a hard time too? Isn't she being cruel?
Even as she mentally berates herself, Chizuru doesn't let go of that hand. It is her emotional support hand in this moment, but she hopes that it can be the same for him in return, especially when her hand still thankfully looks the way it always does. This way she can give him a part of her that isn't so twisted. ]
I'm so sorry, Robby.
[ It's sympathetic, but at least soft enough that it doesn't draw attention to his own problems too dramatically. ]
It must have been difficult for you.. [ And there's never any real telling whether or not the next month will be better.
She it will be - for his sake. ]
Is.. Cloverfield such a miserable person? I have to admit that I don't know much about that one.. [ She continues, briefly shaking her head-- ] I haven't received a gift yet the way people tend to do during the month of their patron Pthumerian, so.. um, I'm not sure which one's mine.
[ Her face is a mask, perhaps even a statue, in how unflinching it mostly seems to be; except for when they allowed her tears to flow earlier, and in letting her twist its already twisted features further.
But that voice is still Chizuru. What she speaks, the sympathies given; they make Robby duck his head some, but he's not so embarrassed that he won't look back at her again, red face and all. ]
To be honest, I think Cloverfield is meant to be a kid? ...for a robot. [ Or, are they a robot? Robby isn't sure as he says it, brows pulled together as he even works his way through the words, looking at Chizuru as he explains: ] Someone took me to see him. He sounds lonely, so... --I don't know, I don't really get it.
[ What the connection means, or have to mean; why they exist in the first place. He got some memory-holder crystal from them, but he doesn't know how to feel, but even with the frustration that's been provided from his crying, his emotions loosening from his control -- he doesn't want to make a big deal out of them right now. Not with Chizuru, who he gives a tiny shrug to. ]
Hopefully your Pthumerian will be someone good? [ Though, more importantly-- ] Would you ever want to meet them?
I guess.. if they're someone good, I wouldn't really mind.
[ Though it'd probably still be kind of intimidating? Chizuru hasn't met many of the Pthumerians face to face, if any at all at this point.. but she's heard plenty of people talk about them in this place, and they always speak of those beings like they're like gods. Powerful. Chizuru isn't too sure how she'd be expected to behave around one. ]
Though it's a little scary if they can make you feel a certain way so easily. [ Like what happened to Robby. Chizuru thinks the other seems like a plenty strong person, so if he wasn't able to resist that influence even just a little bit, then there's especially no hope for a girl like her, who already gets into enough trouble on months that aren't even her own patron Pthumerian's. ] Especially if.. um, when they are bad, they could abuse that power so much, right?
[ .. that is a scary idea. And she pauses, thinks, and then gently asks: ]
Do you think Cloverfield did it on purpose? [ Making Robby feel so bad, that is.
Chizuru figures maybe not, if Cloverfield themselves is so lonely too. Maybe it just spills out, feelings left with nowhere to go instead settling into the Sleepers Cloverfield has associated themselves with. ]
[ It would be good for Chizuru to be linked with a good Pthumerian. It's strange that they need to be linked with anyone, but it seems the same as just getting stuck with a zodiac because of when you're born. ... if that actually did anything to your day-to-day life.
(Sure, there's apparently traits to them, but Robby's never believed in anything like that. It's who your parents are that you need to worry about -- everyone tells him he's like his dad when they want to hurt him.)
But what about the real life connections they had to deal with? ]
...I don't know. I don't think so. [ It's a slow answer, where finding his truth -- he has to search for it right there. They didn't seem the type, even if that hadn't made it any less frustrating. But Robby leans back against the back of the sofa, plays with their joined hands by just wiggling them a bit. ]
But it'd be great not to have to deal with it anyway. [ This time though, there's a smile -- a soft sigh that preludes it, and he's looking at her and her hardened face. ] Like a lot of things around here. I'm pretty cried out at this point now, but, what about you?
[ Not just tears, but: ] You got a good outlet here?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
around the 25th october, text - un: kickflips
hey chizuru. someone told me face paints were screwing with ppl
like changing their entire body?
dont know if you got one but wanted to check in
hope ur ok
no subject
More than anything though, she really doesn't want Robby to have to worry about her. Surely he has his own stuff to deal with. So-- ]
hello robby please do not worry i am fine and have not been dealing with anything like that and even if i had it clearly would not be a problem that is still unsolved
[ This is the least suspicious text Robby has ever received in his life. ]
i hope you are alright
[ Nailed it. ]
no subject
Hrm. ]
well if anyone you know ends up with a problem like that they told me the person will change back eventually even if they dont drink blood or whatever the other solution is
[ A text pause. ]
i got in a fight with twenty zombies and i lost an arm and want to eat people but otherwise im doing ok
[ (She started it by being a bad liar.) ]
no subject
[ This is not even an intentional keysmash. No, this is what happens when Chizuru gets so startled that she just drops her Omni as soon as she starts trying to type a frantic response to the message she just received.
It takes a moment for her to duck and grab her Omni again, but when she realises she's far too panicked to properly write a message, it's instead a voice message coming through from Chizuru's end, her voice rising in volume. ]
R-Robby, are you okay?! [ Not that Chizuru has any idea what a 'zombie' is. But the rest of it is alarming enough for her to be in a full blown panic here, like she can't realise the obvious joke. ] A-Are you still in trouble? I-- um, I mean, even if you want to e-eat people, I can come over and help..!
no subject
But oh, the voice message he wasn't expecting, and it actually gets a smile out of him (rare in this late of the month), a small snort likely concealed by her rambling. ]
You're gonna help me eat people?
[ Chizuru?? ]
cw: just some weird cannibalism implications
But that's definitely not what's going on here, judging by Chizuru's answer. ]
I-I mean.. If you need to eat people to live now..
[ No, she's not thinking about how this is a joke.
Instead she's already trying to figure out a very serious plan for this problem. Because if Robby can only eat people to survive, that's bad for so many reasons. But Chizuru-- well, she knows that her body regenerates when it gets hurt, so maybe it's.. safer to offer herself to him to eat... or parts of her, anyway..
She really hates the thought of it, sure, but if the alternative is Robby dying-- these are just the things one has to consider for the sake of their friends in Trench, clearly.
(Is she spiraling way too far? Yes. But in her defense, she's been spiraling about her own mask problem for a day or so already now, so it makes it easier to spiral about everything else too.) ]
cw: don't forget the joking loss of limbs
Well, it's a good thing I made that up. [ Which he says like it should be obvious, and shouldn't it? (Someone is forgetting where they are.) ] Like how you don't have a mask problem?
[ A mask, face paint -- that part isn't the point, so much as the one he's trying to get across. A lie for a lie; even if this went to places (like voice chat) than Robby realised they would.
But it's okay, Chizuru. Robby will give you a moment for your brain to realise what's going on. ]
no subject
Even though it's a brief moment, and then Chizuru is already sputtering when the full on realisation hits her. ]
W-Wait, what?! You made it up?!
[ She doesn't even sound offended by that idea, mind you. She just sounds surprised, since she was fully assuming this was serious.. and maybe a little bit flustered for how seriously she took it. Robby is never allowed to know she was considering feeding him with herself, okay. Never. ]
Robby, I thought you were in real trouble..!
[ Now there's a bit of a miserable whine in her tone. Like a puppy.
Chizuru is not even actively trying to avoid talk of her own problem here with what she's saying, mind you. It's just that she needs to get this out first. ]
no subject
I guess it's possible in this place. [ Okay, he'll concede to that. ] I'm fine -- I promise this time.
[ Cross his heart and hope to become a zombie. He lets that sit without interruption for a moment, before, moving onto the point behind all this (other than to tease Chizuru): ]
Now, what about you, huh? Are you okay?
no subject
The tiniest, though. Mostly because she knows she doesn't want to lie to Robby here, but telling the truth isn't exactly easy either, especially with the adrenaline of the sudden worry about him lingering in her heart. ]
.. can you please define 'okay'?
[ She's trying, really. Even when she says that with a very tiny voice. ]
Then I can give you an answer.
[ She can imagine situations here that might make her more miserable than her current one, after all, so it's not like she's at her worst. But it would probably be a stretch to say she's 'okay' either by most definitions. A-At least she doesn't want to eat people?! ]
no subject
Are you feeling weird about whatever's happened but you're just embarrassed at worst, or- could you do with a friend who'll be around you, and won't judge you for whatever you look like right now?
[ In Robby's defence, he speaks carefully, too - an offer that's sincere, hoping that it'll sound like an option that Chizuru won't immediately turn away from. She can; and it might do better for her, to take whatever approach she'd feel better about. But if she's feeling miserable?
He doesn't mind being the company to her misery, adding after a pause: ]
We can make something new together. A recipe -- you can lead me through it.
[ You know. In case it's difficult for her right now to do much, so he might as well add that clarification. ]
no subject
[ She gets that - in theory - he doesn't mind, or he wouldn't be offering this. Heck, she'd know that even without the offer, since it's just what Robby is like. He's always entirely too nice, always entirely too willing to help her out with just about anything.
Which is why she quickly adds, speaking so fast that she nearly trips over her own words: ]
N-Not that I think you'd mind! But, it's just..
[ ... ]
I look really, really awful right now. I think it might be too much even for someone as kind as you. Even if it's not as if I'm eating people or something.. [ Apparently that joke example is just sticking around now, huh. ] .. it's still not great to be around me right now, I'm sure. That's why I thought it'd be better for me to see as few people as possible..
[ Which is why she hadn't contacted Robby at all for the past two days or so either, whereas she usually might have tried to check in on him too, especially so close to the end of the month. ]
cw: head wound mention (but only once)
That sounds lonely. [ --that's the sentiment that sticks with him louder than any visual horror, a sympathy soft from his lips.
It could be bad. It could be worse than Chizuru is capable of describing, it could be a bad idea to not trust her judgment, but. ]
I'll be round in ten minutes? [ He wants to be there. Pass over the idea of asking her for a picture and confirming the strength of his stomach, and just go for it. Because it's Chizuru, and that's all he needs as an excuse, a reason.
(He takes care of his, is what tugs at his reasoning.) ]
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[ It's a soft agreement, but agreement all the same. If she asked whether he's sure, and he still agrees on coming over, then Chizuru won't bother to question again - his answer is clear.
And while she's still a little worried about his potential reaction to the way she looks right now, she knows nothing about it can be helped now. He's coming over. He's going to see it, one way or another. So Chizuru just closes the feed, and then waits.
(There's anxiety in her chest, but she tries to be strong.)
All the way until she can hear the knock on the door. She's been letting Scorpia open the door for the past two days, not wanting to expose herself to anyone and her roommate thankfully understanding her desire to hide for a while, but she knows that it's for her this time.
So Chizuru sucks in a breath, and opens the door. If it wasn't for the fact that Chizuru and Scorpia's bodies are very different, it would have been hard to realise it's even Chizuru at the door though. The girl's body is the same as ever, but her face and head are much different. Her skin a deep red, twisted, horns growing out of it, her head completely bald and with a permanent frown etched onto her features, even though the eyes - and the emotion that shows in them, shyness and worry - definitely are Chizuru's own in the middle of it all.
It's tempting to not say anything, but she doesn't want to put the burden of that on Robby, so she instead forces out a shaky: ]
H-Hi, Robby.
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All this to say, he isn't quite ready for what he does meet when he climbs the stoop before her and Scorpia's front door. Taking in a breath, preparing himself before he knocks on the door.
Some kind of Japanese horror should have been obvious, but this is a guy who hasn't even seen The Ring.
Still: it does cause him to stop. The face that meets him not quite a face at first but a boiling rage, or so is how he sees the scarlet red foremost, before his eyes can adjust. There's eyes there too, almost hidden by the thick burrowing brows (eyes that may not want to keep looking at him, with his looking at her like this), and her voice hasn't changed. Everything is still Chizuru, underneath.
His surprise relaxes as the seconds count. It's really not as bad as he thought it'd be, and he wants to convey that, somehow, but words alone don't seem to be enough. When there's this face that shames her, a body of red, when--
It's not straightforward, a horn protruding out of the front of Chizuru's cheek, but Robby manages to slip his hand along the side of her face all same; fingers laying over more of her ear and his thumb brushing against the muscle of cheek that he can get to. He smiles at her, dimples forming as it widens. ]
Hey, Chizuru. [ You look great won't work here; You look fine sounds like it's patronising her worries.
So, instead: ] I'm glad I came over.
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But then-- Robby does so anyway.
Even without Chizuru asking for it. Even with her doing absolutely nothing but trying to greet the other despite the circumstances, despite the anxiety in her gut. He's reaching out, and he's actually touching her face, the touch dulled by the way her skin is so much thicker, but she can still feel it.
And that's where it gets to be too much. Chizuru isn't that strong at all, after all. It's like something inside of her buckles at the touch, and after standing there and trying to process it for a few seconds, she moves. Her feet stepping forward, just a touch closer to the other, until she buries her face against his shoulder.. or, rather, as well as she can. The upside of Chizuru's current look is that none of the horns stick directly forward, so he shouldn't get any of the painful pointy edges shoved into him by the action, but some of the horns are still pressing their sides against him a little - it probably isn't all that comfortable, and it means there's still a slight distance between them.
But Chizuru can't think about that right now. With everything that she's been through ever since this sudden and frightening transformation, and then Robby showing up and saying he's glad he came over..
.. all she can do is start to cry, loudly sobbing against him. Unable to even get out any words, the only noises being the crying. ]
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His own heart - and mind - have been a mess of an existence, his body more hollow than real, working on automatic than anything he gives real thought for. He needs to move all the time, his brain won't let him sleep, and now he exists with the bitterness a constant in the back of his throat. Tory's visit to the clinic isn't until next month, and there's nothing good in life right now.
But there is Chizuru. There's her pressing against him, seeking comfort, and he doesn't care for the way her horns dig in close to bone; not sharply, but still thick and unyielding, and he wraps his arms around her shoulders and the back of her head, and lets her come in as close as she wants to be. ]
Hey, [ he whispers; a voice not to stop her, but to cradle her the same as his embrace, his fingers and thumb on the back of her hair stroking through it, along it. ] It's okay. You're gonna be okay.
[ He won't stop her tears. He won't tell her to stop, but might even let his head bow close to hers, giving her all the time she needs to let it out. Might even, once her sobs quiet to the trembling that one is left with after crying, quietly rock her, slowly, against him; if there's nothing she does to stop him at any point, if she lets him -- be there for her, comfort her.
Then Robby will, here on this stoop, with no intentions to interrupt until she manages to quiet down naturally. ]
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When she is, the girl sucks in a shaky breath, trying to calm herself further down - especially when she can feel that her body is trembling, and that it means he must be feeling the same thing, considering how close together they are in this moment. ]
.. I'm sorry.
[ Her voice is so soft, an incredibly quiet apology. Little more than a whisper, and she steps back slowly, like she wants to make sure to untangle this hug carefully, so he doesn't get hit by any of the horns growing out of her.
Chizuru raises a hand, trying to wipe the remainders of tears off her face, even though it only reminds her of its grotesque shape. ]
You came all the way over here to see me. I shouldn't-- [ Have cried on him? Worried him?
There are so many things she ought to apologize to Robby for, she thinks. Robby, who surely must be having a hard time of his own, and here she is, only thinking about her own problem. Selfish. ]
.. I should've greeted you with a smile. Or asked you how you are doing..
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You can still do that. [ It's spoken softly, if not as softly as Chizuru is; a smile in it - and on his face - that's reassuring and light, a peak of sunlight in an otherwise dull, grey moment.
He lifts his hands again, touches her near her elbows in a temporary gesture. ] But we can do that inside. [ And, a little firmer: ] I came here to see you, so it's okay to be however you feel right now, okay?
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[ It's a soft response, but it is a response - and one that doesn't outright reject what Robby is saying here. After all, he's expressing his feelings. If he feels that it's okay to him for her to feel the way she does right now, then she can't just question his feelings.
.. no matter how hard it is to feel like it's alright to feel bad.
Instead of dwelling on that thought, Chizuru reaches out, slowly seeking out one of Robby's hands to hold it in her own. It's a light grasp, but just strong enough to hold on to that hand even as she turns to head into the house, taking him along to the living room. Scorpia is out, so the girl figures that it's probably fine for them to sit down there together for a bit. ]
So.. [ ... ] Robby, how are you doing..?
[ The smiling part - that's still too hard for her. Even as they move into the living room, and Chizuru guides them to sit down on the couch together, the girl doesn't smile. The way her current face falls easily makes it look like she's frowning in the first place, but smiling requires a kind of energy she doesn't have within herself right now, no matter how glad she is for the other's company in this moment.
But she can at least live up to the other part of what she said she wish she had done sooner - asking that. ]
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That's her emotional support hand, that is. ]
Well... actually, I've been having a tough time, too. [ He can't be dishonest now, can he? After he called her out on it, and came all this way to see her. It's odd when he turns and sees her face, and doesn't actually see it at all; his eyes searching for what's not there, but at the same time, it's more like a mask than a different person.
If only he could peel that away from her. As it is, he doesn't drop his smile -- small, anyway, in the first place. ]
Uh, it turns out the Pthumerian I'm under is Cloverfield, which means I have to feel miserable all month. [ He huffs a sound like a short laugh, but more of a breath. ] But I've been getting some medicine that works to help me sleep. But I'm looking forward to the end of the month. Here's hoping we get something better, right?
[ He'd ask about her blood effects, but this seems miserable enough for Chizuru. Instead: ]
Do you know anything about your Pthumerian?
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It's with worry over the other. Even if Robby mentions it all so lightly, like it's no big deal, Chizuru still can't imagine it being great when you can hardly sleep all month. It instantly makes her feel a little guilty at herself, if not outright mad. How dare she bother Robby with her own problems when he's having a hard time too? Isn't she being cruel?
Even as she mentally berates herself, Chizuru doesn't let go of that hand. It is her emotional support hand in this moment, but she hopes that it can be the same for him in return, especially when her hand still thankfully looks the way it always does. This way she can give him a part of her that isn't so twisted. ]
I'm so sorry, Robby.
[ It's sympathetic, but at least soft enough that it doesn't draw attention to his own problems too dramatically. ]
It must have been difficult for you.. [ And there's never any real telling whether or not the next month will be better.
She it will be - for his sake. ]
Is.. Cloverfield such a miserable person? I have to admit that I don't know much about that one.. [ She continues, briefly shaking her head-- ] I haven't received a gift yet the way people tend to do during the month of their patron Pthumerian, so.. um, I'm not sure which one's mine.
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But that voice is still Chizuru. What she speaks, the sympathies given; they make Robby duck his head some, but he's not so embarrassed that he won't look back at her again, red face and all. ]
To be honest, I think Cloverfield is meant to be a kid? ...for a robot. [ Or, are they a robot? Robby isn't sure as he says it, brows pulled together as he even works his way through the words, looking at Chizuru as he explains: ] Someone took me to see him. He sounds lonely, so... --I don't know, I don't really get it.
[ What the connection means, or have to mean; why they exist in the first place. He got some memory-holder crystal from them, but he doesn't know how to feel, but even with the frustration that's been provided from his crying, his emotions loosening from his control -- he doesn't want to make a big deal out of them right now. Not with Chizuru, who he gives a tiny shrug to. ]
Hopefully your Pthumerian will be someone good? [ Though, more importantly-- ] Would you ever want to meet them?
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[ Though it'd probably still be kind of intimidating? Chizuru hasn't met many of the Pthumerians face to face, if any at all at this point.. but she's heard plenty of people talk about them in this place, and they always speak of those beings like they're like gods. Powerful. Chizuru isn't too sure how she'd be expected to behave around one. ]
Though it's a little scary if they can make you feel a certain way so easily. [ Like what happened to Robby. Chizuru thinks the other seems like a plenty strong person, so if he wasn't able to resist that influence even just a little bit, then there's especially no hope for a girl like her, who already gets into enough trouble on months that aren't even her own patron Pthumerian's. ] Especially if.. um, when they are bad, they could abuse that power so much, right?
[ .. that is a scary idea. And she pauses, thinks, and then gently asks: ]
Do you think Cloverfield did it on purpose? [ Making Robby feel so bad, that is.
Chizuru figures maybe not, if Cloverfield themselves is so lonely too. Maybe it just spills out, feelings left with nowhere to go instead settling into the Sleepers Cloverfield has associated themselves with. ]
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(Sure, there's apparently traits to them, but Robby's never believed in anything like that. It's who your parents are that you need to worry about -- everyone tells him he's like his dad when they want to hurt him.)
But what about the real life connections they had to deal with? ]
...I don't know. I don't think so. [ It's a slow answer, where finding his truth -- he has to search for it right there. They didn't seem the type, even if that hadn't made it any less frustrating. But Robby leans back against the back of the sofa, plays with their joined hands by just wiggling them a bit. ]
But it'd be great not to have to deal with it anyway. [ This time though, there's a smile -- a soft sigh that preludes it, and he's looking at her and her hardened face. ] Like a lot of things around here. I'm pretty cried out at this point now, but, what about you?
[ Not just tears, but: ] You got a good outlet here?
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cw: talk of death
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oh no...is it a wrap...!?